We all have had that one unhealthy relationship in life. Whether it was a friend, a significant other or a family member, we have all likely encountered someone who has left a deep scar in us emotionally and/or physically. Although there are different severities of a mentally abusive or physically abusive relationship, no one should ever think that it is okay to be treated this way BY ANYONE.
My story started in my senior year in high school. The relationship seemed so magical at first, almost like a storybook. I really thought this was going to be it and I would spend my life with this person. After the first year passed, things slowly, but surely, went downhill. I wasn’t in the “storybook” relationship anymore. After a while, having someone constantly putting you down, breaking up with you every other week for other girls that they would tell you were better than you, skinnier than you, prettier than you, etc. gets tiring. All these stories were just demeaning lies, but to me at that very moment, I started to believe everything that he said. I believed that I deserved to be treated this way.
After about two years of the constant on and off relationship, I had developed mild depression and severe anxiety disorder which took even more of a huge negative toll on the relationship. My therapist (who was also my savior but I didn’t see this yet) encouraged me to express how I felt to my significant other. But that just didn’t work out for me, I would then be blamed for the way I felt. They said, “You’re crazy,” “You’re obsessive,” “You’re too clingy,” “You’re not the girl for me,” “You’re not pretty enough for me” and much more.
After spending some time apart, I could begin to collect myself and work on my mental health. But once they returned home from their duties, it all began again, except this time, it was much worse. On my twentieth birthday, I received a bouquet of dead flowers. DEAD flowers. I wasn’t good enough for live ones which made me question if I was good enough to be alive. It was a very scary and traumatic feeling to have. That was a birthday I will never forget and still think about every single birthday I have now.
When I found Tinder on their phone and realized that they continued to cheat on me while they were away and I was home, loyally waiting for them, things ended for good. I woke up the day after that horrible break up and realized I was free. This time, I didn’t beg him to take me back and tell him how sorry I was because I never had a reason to be sorry. This person had blamed everything on me and I never did anything wrong, in fact, I did everything right, even when I shouldn’t have.
Today, I appreciate life and those around me so much more because I’ve been through the darkness. Today, I am almost twenty-two years old, a senior in college and a mentally and physically healthy human being again. Today, I know my worth and I would never let anyone treat me like this again. Today, I have found an amazing group of friends who have impacted my life in such a positive way that I never want to see a world without them. After almost two long years of recovery from the mental disorders, I am happy. I am happy with myself, my life, and how things are going for me. I have picked myself up piece by piece each day and continue to. I’ve learned to put myself and my happiness first.
I have found a man who loves me for me and never compares me to anyone else. When we are in a room with other girls, all he sees is me and he makes me extremely happy. He never ever forgets to tell me that he loves me. I never thought any of this good would happen to me. My life during that time was so negative that I never thought it would become positive. My past relationship ruined me and it caused me to not care about myself so much that I started doing poorly in school, something that was always so important to me. He caused me to lose faith in myself so much that I forgot to take care of myself.
However, I am beyond grateful for that relationship and that person today because I’ve since found myself and the path I was supposed to be walking down alongside the people I am supposed to be walking with. Today, I am the girl I was before I met this person. I have great grades and I take care of myself consistently and I am always working towards my goals in life. I hope that other people who have gone through this situation or are currently in this situation see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
You deserve so much more and are worth more than you ever will know. These types of relationships are not love. They are not the kind of love that your parents told you about and promised that you would have. You will not find this love that you deserve by staying here. You deserve so much more than someone who lives their life to put you down and see you cry. Life is too short to deal with negativity like this.
You are not stuck. You are not alone. Keep fighting and never give up.
