The Eyeliner

My eyes have always been a special part of me. As someone who was born as ethnically East Asian, I was given a particular set of eyes that look different from the majority of other people.

Natural born monolid eyes are common in East Asian countries. However, due to the development of plastic surgery, more and more people were able to get surgery to make their eyes look more westernized.

When I think about my eyes, I think about a blank canvas that has to be painted by a paintbrush before it is complete. Every stroke, every inch of the brush that goes on the canvas is vital for the canvas to “come alive” like the others. Every inch of the brush is necessary to enhance the canvas and make it appear like the rest.

Although I was never a person to really wear makeup, I’ve always used a black eyeliner whenever I go out. The black eyeliner was my “brush” and my eyes were the canvas. Different from others and in need of a brush to make it look complete like all the other canvases. Self expression was key when putting on the eyeliner in front of my mirror. Making sure every stroke of the eyeliner made the perfect curve, the perfect outline of the shape of my eyes.

The eyeliner never failed to do its job, making sure the canvas of my eyes were complete. And everytime I put my eyeliner on, I felt like I belonged, a whole new identity. The black outline of my eyes would entail a sense of belonging in me, when I went out.

Eyeliners are useful and they often do the trick. When we go out or have a special night with friends, we use eyeliner to make us look better and more attractive. But what they can’t do is make our insides feel as attractive as we seem to look. Even if we wear some form of makeup to conceal a part of ourselves, that part of ourselves is still there.

It’s like having thin lips and needing to wear lipstick every time you go out. Even if you still have plenty of lipstick to wear for the time being, you will know deep down that your lips will still stay the same and you can’t change that by covering it up.

I’ve learned that covering up is one thing and hiding a part of yourself to fit in is another. We can’t always hide away a part of ourselves, just because we want to. It isn’t au natural and only makes us feel more insecure about ourselves and what makes us, us.

There still exists hundreds of makeup tutorials for monolid eyes. But none of them can actually make someone with monolid eyes forget about this part of their body. It is like putting more and more paint on the canvas to cover up, only to have it all wash away by the end of the day. The more and more we use different brushes to cover up, the more and more we are going to be reminded of this feature of us.

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