We all have stories from when we were little. Stories of funny, little quirks we had or things we did. We hear them all the time at family gatherings if they aren't already being played the VCR. Some of these quirks and mannerisms part from us with age while others . . . not so much. Though I don't much care for admitting it, when I was younger I always enjoyed being chased. Whether it be playing tag or any other game that involves running after someone, I only enjoyed those games when it was me being chased and not me chasing others.

It was such an odd thing that my parents would often remind me of. For the longest time, I honestly couldn't understand why I enjoyed being chased. What brought about it? Why has it carried on to other aspects of my life now?

After awhile, I finally began to try and understand the reasoning behind it.

Growing up, I never really had a positive self-image of myself. I never really saw myself as the cool kid or as a part of the popular group. I was just me - a geek who really enjoyed Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh. Along with that too, for whatever reason, I was a bit of a romantic as well. I developed so many crushes throughout elementary and middle school and I really was not afraid to let it be known. Of course, this ended in a ton of rejection from others - but I would never learn from it, I would still continue to pursue some other girl if things did not end well with the previous one. But eventually, it began to stick with me that through all my pursuing, I was never really being pursued in return.

This, coupled with the low self-esteem, I believe is what resulted in this desire to be chased by others.

Now that I'm older, I find myself still carrying this same desire. I saw this a lot in my last relationship. To my mind, it was always me who was giving up everything while my significant other gave very little in comparison - when in reality, this was far from the case. I wanted to be chased after, I wanted to be in constant pursuit of, without ever having to pursue constantly in return. I know now that is a very dangerous way of thinking. Of course, there is a fine line between being treated poorly and simply not acknowledging how much someone gives you and unfortunately, I was guilty of the latter. I only saw how much I put into our relationship and never credited her enough for the insane amount of effort she placed in it.

Coming out of it and finally realizing my mistakes hurts a lot honestly, but I'm grateful that I'm better able to see it now and how I can improve. It's taken a lot out of me to try and break these mental chains that bound me for such a long time. Subconsciously, I feel like I had this notion about people that they were not worth pursuing unless they pursued me first. But that isn't fair to them, I have had to look beyond my scope to see that people are scared just like I was. They're afraid that they aren't good enough and that they aren't worth pursuing. I think for all of us, we share that common fear. A fear of not being good enough for anybody. Not worth of friends, relationships, etc. I have to be willing to put my own fear aside and start pursuing others to let them know that they are worth it. They are worth going to hell and back for and so much more. Everyone deserves to feel that way, not just me.

I want you to know that wherever you find yourself, I want you to know that you are worth being pursued, you are worth being chased after. You are worth the effort it takes to get to know the real you and the time it takes to become close to you.

I encourage you to pursue others as well. We're all scared about showing who we really are and letting ourselves be who we were made to be. Take a risk and show someone that they matter. Pursue them and remind them that they, too, are worth seeking. I think we'd all be a lot better off if we could do that for one another.