Friends, gather around for it is that time of year again. It's time for yet another lazily constructed, infrequently funny boy band related personality test. For legal purposes, I can unfortunately no longer say this is a One Direction personality quiz and will instead be referring to boy bands who are comparable to but are not explicitly One Direction.
As real fans know, I am an unwavering Big Time Rush fan and will be for the rest of my life. It was this undying and passionate love that inspired this list of other defunct or otherwise irrelevant boy bands who outright broke my heart. Please come cry with me and determine the only alignment that matters.
1. What, in a sentence, is the vibe of your dream boy band's sound and presence?
a.) Five Minutes of Fame and Then Total Anonymity
b.) You Want Drama? Then We'll Give You Drama….. giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl
c.) 5 Boys, 1 Goal: Reunite the European Union and the United Kingdom.
d.) fOuR bOyS fRom MiChiGaN wHo JuSt LoVe MUsIc
e.) Ruining Your Life and Stealing Your Money
2. Who is your favorite Jonas Brother?
c.) All of them <3
3. How much do you like to be the center of attention?
a.) Not at all
b.) I want to but everyone's so fake and passes me over #sad
c.) We only care about Britain's attention… Britain come baaaaaack
d.) Gosh golly… we're just four hockey players who never expected anything from anyone except shooting some pucks and making some jams, but really doing it our way and staying true to ourselves you know?.... What was the question?
e.) How does 50 million albums sold since 2017 sound to you?
4. Quick! Pick a Netflix Original Show and say why
a.) A Series of Unfortunate Events because there's something just slightly too dark about us but we're not going to talk about it- anyway, here's "Just the Girl"
b.) Narcos because drugs and money baby heheheh
c.) The Crown because Britain come baaaaack
d.) Big Mouth because hehehehe
e.) Stranger Things because we are the guys that everyone is talking about
5. Who is your ideal female singer to perform a duet with?
a.) Hannah Montana
b.) Ariana Grande
c.) Theresa May
d.) Jordan Sparks
e.) Taylor Swift, Bebe Rexha, Perrie Edwards, Elle Golding, and Cheryl Cole
6. Who is your vintage boy band predecessor?
a.) The Wiggles
b.) The Bea- fine. The Backstreet Boys
c.) Does U2 count?
e.) The Beatles
7. Who is your current boy band legacy?
a.) People That Still Play Garage Band
b.) The Jonas Brothers
c.) … does U2 still count?
d.) 5 Seconds of Summer
10. It's time for World War III: who is your #1?
a.) Be honest: do you even know our names?
b.) Isn't this what broke up our band?
c.) Great Britain
d.) Logan got jacked and started dressing like a hype beast so we're gonna say Logan to save our asses
e.) I GUESS Harry but I'll be honest with you, it's not my sort of music. It's not something I'd listen to.
If you got mostly A's
You're lying if you said you've never listened to The Click Five. My brother is a well-educated and well-listened music snob and he used to listen to The Click Five so you have no excuse. Their songs were low key bangers and we all know "Pop Princess" was the pinnacle of the Hannah Montana: Meet Miley Cyrus soundtrack.
But there's something so sad about The Click Five. Who are they? Where are they now? Were they just a figment of our imaginations? Will we ever know?
If you got mostly B'shttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ggzxInyzVE
Honestly screw you. If you got mostly B's, you are the worst kind of person ever. Your spirit band is The Wanted.
Yes, did I lose myself a little recently and start listening to them again? We all do things we're not proud of, okay? You have nothing to be proud of: you got The Wanted. Just look at that picture above. That's what would happen if UK unis chartered frats. That picture is basically the cast and plot of The Riot Club. (That's a great joke please look up The Riot Club.)
If you got mostly C's
The concept of the Breunion Boys is just peak comedy. No one could write this level of comedy. I've always made my love for John Oliver and Last Week Tonight so apparent, but I can never thank them enough for showing me the Breunion Boys.
Also you didn't get mostly C's. The C's were so clearly a bit. Grow up.
If you got mostly D's
First of all, before anything else, Kendall was my favorite and I stand by both that and him forever.
Second of all, I had three people send me this tweet last month and I honestly and truly never felt so seen and understood. Good on you if you got mostly D's and for staying true to your humble origins as just four hockey players from Michigan.
If you got mostly E'sGiphy
Did you really think I wouldn't bring One Direction back into this? What about my personality suggests I would ever in my life stop making thinking about One Direction?
Congrats by the way. You won the quiz.