The Best Of Randy Marsh From 'South Park'
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Politics and Activism

The Best Of Randy Marsh From 'South Park'

A brief review of some of his most ludicrous acts.

The Best Of Randy Marsh From 'South Park'
Citizen McGeed

Randy Marsh, for my money, is the funniest character on "South Park." As the local geologist, Randy functions as the show’s unconventional dad. Instead of coaching his son’s baseball team, he gets dickered and tries to fight everyone. He can’t offer a modicum of decent fatherly advice, but he does speak Mongolian. And while most parents disavow the overuse of computer gaming and console gaming, Randy embraces the "World of Warcraft" full-bore. Below are some of his most riotous moments.

Let’s begin with the episode, “Medicinal Fried Chicken,” in which a medical marijuana dispensary opens in South Park, CO. Randy astutely realizes that he needs cancer in order to purchase the weed. So he sticking his balls in the microwave. But, you know, cost-benefit analysis. Microwave-enlarged unmentionables in exchange for a pound of oompa loompa kush? Duh.

Like any man who wishes to entrench oneself in a group with traditional values, a common history, inextricable brotherly bonds, and alcohol dependency, Randy joins a fraternity. This fraternity, though, is the politically correct fraternity. Being PC is defined by them as, “It means you love nothin’ more than beer, workin’ out, and that feelin’ you get when you rhetorically defend a marginalized community from systems of oppression.” And so, to be initiated, Randy draws dicks over Stan’s friend’s face to check his privilege. What's that sound? That's 2015 pulling you over, bro, check your privilege.

One of Randy’s best identities is Falcorn in the episode, "Make Love Not Warcraft." Randy briefly waxes philosophic and says, “In the outside world, I'm a simple geologist, but in here...I am Falcorn, Defender of the Alliance. I've braved the Fargo deep mine and defeated the Bloodfish at Jarod's Landing.” Noteworthy accomplishments for a hunter level 3 in "World of Warcraft," though the rhetoric is a bit lofty. Randy ultimately delivers Stan the Sword of a Thousand Truths to save the day, saving the accounts of dispossessed players around the world.

In the episode, "The Losing Edge," the South Park boys realize their unsuspecting baseball talent and keep winning Little League Baseball games, despite the fact that they hate the sport. At every game Randy gets inappropriately sozzled, takes off his shirt, and attempts to fight parents on the other team. Each time he is arrested and always bemoans, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was America" ... even though one game was played in Mexico.

Lastly, there's the episode, "Over Logging," in which Randy forces his beleaguered family to move to California during a nationwide Internet blackout, after he learns that there is a small camp where Internet is evenly rationed. Randy sneaks out of his tent one night to get some much-needed alone time, and he is caught pleasuring himself to emetophiliac porn...don't look that up, honestly. When he is caught red-handed, so to speak, this is the image:


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