Every Dr. Cox insult "Scrubs" Fans Need To Know
Start writing a post
Featured

Every "Scrubs" Fan NEEDS To Know These Dr. Cox Quotes

Dr. Cox may be the most sarcastic, snarky, and nasty person to ever cross television screens.

5907
Every "Scrubs" Fan NEEDS To Know These Dr. Cox Quotes

Dr. Cox may be the most sarcastic, snarky, and nasty person to ever cross television screens. His long-winded commentary and ability to destroy just about anyone made him terrifying and hilarious. Once you broke through his tough persona, Dr. Cox was genuine, caring and dedicated. He wanted the best for his patients and his interns. Here are some of funniest, most sarcastic and downright mean lines that Dr. Cox has said during his stint on Scrubs.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, me not caring!

JD: "You're ex-wife, she's the answer!" Dr. Cox: "Uh...things that ruined my life? Things that took half of my money? Things with sharp edges?!"

giphy.com

From now on, whenever I'm in the room, you're not allowed to talk

Hand to God, If you so much as look at me for the next month, I will mummify your head in surgical tape

You see, I am a lot of things. I’m a Scorpio, a registered Independent, a foodie, a parrot-head, yes I do love that Jimmy Buffet-always have, always will, a leg man. But I can assure you the one thing I am not is lonely

giphy.com

Laverne: "Does it help to know that Jesus love you?" Dr. Cox: "It does not!"

Jordan: "You know, you're gonna miss me more than I miss you" Dr. Cox: "Oh pah-leeze, I don't need those 4lbs of makeup and quarter inch of synthetically paralyzed skin!"

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

Giphy

I know what Kim did to you was just crazy, but pregnant women are among a select group of people who are actually allowed to act insane. Much like sports mascots, local weatherman, theme park performers, and that guy with a question mark jacket who teaches people how to get free money from the government

That's what we call a lie... or, when you're married, communication

So, if you wanna solve a real mystery go ahead and figure out who is taking my New York Times every Sunday. Or, better yet, how about why anybody on the planet actually thinks that Dane Cook is funny?

Oh my god, I care so little I almost passed out

Giphy

JD: "Do you think I need to grow up?" Dr. Cox: "Wow. You dream your whole life about that one moment. When it finally comes, you're just-you're not ready for it. Here goes. The answer is a sincere, emphatic, 100% definitive, never been so sure of anything in my life unequivocal yes."

Jordan, you're not looking as processed and overly-medicated as usual!

Payback is a bitch!

Giphy

Dr. Kelso: "Looking for something?" Dr. Cox: "Yes, my cloak of invisibility so that I can avoid conversation with soulless dictators such as yourself. Unfortunately it's really hard to find because as the name suggests, it's invisible."

Even though we all currently despise each other, we’re professionals. For example, I can lend Barbie a hand despite the fact that she’s a heartless, red-state-supporting, N.R.A. backing, illegal-immigrant-hating, self-righteous, misinformed dope, essentially Karl Rove with smaller boobs

Dr. Cox: "Go to Hell, Bob" Dr. Kelso: "I didn't even say anything!"

giphy.com

What is it with friends and the whole wanting to be in your life thing?

JD: "Dr. Cox!" Dr. Cox: "Okay, Linus, you're way too excited. I want you to get your blankey, go in the corner and take a timeout"

People aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are, mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling

giphy.com

You, honest to God, get me so angry I'm afraid I may hurt myself

JD: "What is wrong with me?" Dr. Cox: "You're an annoying, whiny man child"

giphy.com

Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here telling you over and over that you are going to die. I would make him apologize personally but I’m having him spend the rest of the day checking that counter-top’s heartbeat

I find your particular brand of psycho-babblery about as useful and about as effective as fairy dust

If you go ahead and listen very carefully, you'll hear the familiar sound of no one caring

giphy.com

Before we start today, who watches Deal or No Deal *intern raises hand* Get out

A coffee place in a hospital? What’s next Bob, an ice cream parlor in the morgue? Admittedly not a horrible idea, seeing as the freezer’s already down there. Plus, it’ll be a perfect place for kids. One of our famous vanilla malteds definitely takes the sting out of having to identify the freshly charred remains of your father!

I would literally swear on my father's grave, but whenever I go there, I usually just end up dancing on it

giphy.com

I'm afraid you have confused me with someone who gives a crap

Should I talk slower or get someone who speaks fluent moron?

If someone is standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and can’t decide what they want in the half hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them

giphy.com

"And the category is-ding!-things that have a better chance of happening than you winning the lottery. Tedski, throw ten seconds on the clock for me, would you please?" "Go!" "Brain transplants, Britney Spears having another hit record, the Rolling Stones going on a farewell tour and actually meaning it, me caring about anything that happens on Wisteria Lane, Jessica Simpson winning an Oscar, Jessica Alba winning an Oscar, Jessica Simpson becoming Jessica Alba Simpson-" "Time!"

Any other day I'd say no, but today, I'm going to go ahead and just say no

I realize that your heart is made up mostly of muffin bits, the souls of little babies, and the denture grip you swallow every time you suck your teeth to get out the muffin bits and baby souls stuck in there, but what do you care?

God, My brillance is becoming a bit of a burden. Get back to me.

giphy.com

It just makes me wanna pick you up and shake you until all the wasted years of my life fall out!

Bob, I will admit to anything that’s true, no matter how embarrassing. For example, I’ve always wished to carry a child inside of me and you know, birth it. But I’ll never admit to missing you.

If the next two words out of your mouth aren’t “see ya” then the third will be: “Oh my god, my crotch. You punched me in my crotch”

giphy.com

You would hear crickets chirping but they were too uncomfortable about just unfunny that actually was

Laverne: "God works all things for good, Romans 8:28" Dr. Cox: "Bull dinky, Perry Cox 6' 1", Buck 85 after lunch"

giphy.com

I never went to Acapulco, Mrs. Goldstein. I lost three patients and spent the last two weeks on my couch trying to drink myself to death so that my victims and I could be reunited in the afterlife and they could rightly have their vengeance. Then I realized that that tactic would never work, as I’d be sent straight to Hell, which I imagine is actually a lot like Acapulco, only there would be fewer Latin men trying to sell me Chiclets on the beach. All the best.

"Laverne, would you go ahead and thank what's-his-name for me?" Laverne: "Jesus?" Dr. Cox: "That's him"

Dr. Kelso: "So what do you think, Perry?" Dr. Cox: "Either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea"

I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet and may in fact be satan himself

Dr. Cox: "I've seen the Wiggles in concert... twice." Turk: "Did they perform Big Red Car?" Dr. Cox "They opened and closed the show with it, it was... awesome"

giphy.com

You know, as a doctor, I rarely root for the disease, but with you, I find myself chanting 'go hypercalcemia with underlying M.E.N syndrome, go, go, go!"

You go do that, and I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we'll meet right back here at half-past impossible!

Report this Content
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

12833
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

943773
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

121167
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments