So I really want to write about something. But I'm not sure what to write. Usually I'm pretty good with coming up with things to say, whether it be something to swoon a girl or to get myself out of something, or even just to impress someone with and make them say to themselves, " Hey this guy's got some balls! I like him!" But for some reason right here and now, thats not the case. For the past week, I've been in my head a lot. I mean there are many reasons why I would be. Like really, I did just get back from the worst experience in my life! Duh! But that's not all. The girl I loved left me when I got back. Let me tell you, that did not leave me in the place I was expecting to be. That led to one thing that led to another thing and now she hates me and that sucks.

Let me tell you why that sucks. Well for one, I still care about her. Two I ended up hurting her which I promised never to do and three, I let people outside of our business get in my head and I fucked up any kind of relationship I could've still salvaged. That woke me up to some things though. I don't like being woken up people. It's not fun and I like my sleep. The reason for which she left me tells me that she didn't think I was good enough and she didn't believe in me. Probably didnt think I was going anywhere in life, I don't know. But that also made me say fuck that, can't stand when people say I'm not good enough. So here's what I did…………………...absolutely nothing.

I kinda just sat here moping around like a zombie wishing for forgiveness and drinking until I could stop thinking about the horrors of the Mojave desert and a break up that might have gone a different way If I didn't let my emotions and people around me get to me. Ooops run on sentence guys. But then something happened! The emotions that were getting all fucked up inside me turned into something much more. That night I just happened to message someone on the good old facebook that I have not talked to in years….. That night was the first time I felt good enough, I mean truly good enough in god knows how long.

It was just an eight hour montage of magic that I didn't want to end. This person inspired me to write my heart out. I've been writing poetry every day since I got back and it feels amazing. Everyday since then her and I have been talking and she encourages me to keep writing. She helped me realize that this is something I love to do and it's making me want to write more then just poetry. I want to write about random things, I want to write about life, I want to write about death, I even want to write about Trolli gummy worms and how there so fuckin delicious. Like seriously have you ever taken a bite out of those things and just pictured tiny faces with a scared look on there face? Almost like there saying to themselves, " Oh no! I'm about to be eaten! Who will save us?!" Its fuckin hilarious. I don't even know why I imagine that shit when I eat them but I do.Awe yay! I totally got a shit ton of likes on snapchat. Go me. Sorry distracted a little bit. Damn…. Sitting here writing all this stuff is fun but I need a cig. Whoever is reading this please wait about five to ten minutes before continuing on. That way it will give you the idea of how long it takes me to smoke a cigarette and gives you the mental picture in your head of me smoking a cigarette……….. Fuck! I just realized its like 2:30 am eastern time for whoever is reading this in another time zone…. You fuckin aliens. Anyway I am going to bed.