The Anatomy Of A "Bro"
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Politics and Activism

The Anatomy Of A "Bro"

Bro Lives Matter

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The Anatomy Of A "Bro"
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Bro. The word evokes such powerful emotions. To those idiotic idiots who cannot understand the vital role that the "bromance" plays within society, I must ask you to sit your stupid, little face down and prepare to be blasted with some knowledge. As a bro, I would like to present you with a concise breakdown of a "bromance". Of course, the importance of each component of this dynamic relationship will be explained to you plebeians who have nary a clue what a "bro" truly is.

1. Bromance. It takes two to tangBRO.

Bros come in pairs. Much like what the scientists have described to us in the documentary "50 Shades of Grey", there exists a dominant and a submissive. Each bro brings strengths and weaknesses to the table. They both enhance and build each other up. However, may be confused when you see a group of guys together. In a group of five bros there can be two bromances max. The odd man out is what we experts in the field call a "satellite bro". It truly is sad to see a bro go their whole life without finding their mate. Such is the struggles of this cruel world.

2. Bros form a symbiotic relationship. They depend on each other to survive and thrive.

Pictured above is my bro and I. Zachary Robert Gannan is the big one. G-Unit and I hit the gym on the regular and get our pump in much like many other bros out there. If we weren't there to spot each other while we do heavy squats -- well, I can't begin to think what would happen.

3. Bros are "Ride or Die". They will bend heaven and earth to help their significant other.

Throughout history there have been bros willing to risk it other for their counterpart. When I was in Sunday School I was taught about different kinds of love. There is Ludus, Pragma, Agape -- no where in the curriculum were our innocent minds conditioned to the all powerful love that is bromance. Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Bros do.

4. Bromance strengthens romance

Bros, since the dawn of time, have been confused with gay men. The only difference is the lack of love making. Everything else is pretty much -- yeah, the same. It's an easy mix up. However, it is a widely held belief among behavioral psychologists that a bromance enhances a heterosexual relationship. So long as your boyfriend, husband, whatever has a responsible bro by his side it can be beneficial to your own relationship. If he is with his bro, homie ain't out cheatin'! Should this bro have parental talent you have an extra hand to watch the kids. Maybe the bro can fix things. Free handy man? I think so. Women, let the bromance continue. Your third-wheeling is pivotal to your romantic success.

5. The evolution of the "bro" is a testament to the survival of man

Since the dawn of time, gender roles have divided mankind. It truly is a shame. However, I am going to argue that bros have long been the sleeper; they have been the key to human success. Bros have been the major contributor to happiness in this bleak world. Ladies, I see you. You are smarter, more efficient, more emotionally intelligent, and superior to men in almost every single way. You have been oppressed throughout time, not by bros, but by plain, old men. Ladies, support the bros. Men, if you aren't a bro, then I suggest you become one and stop being an idiotic idiot. Bros provide humor, friendship, and unconditional love and support for their fellow man.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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