The Anatomy Of A "Bro"
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

The Anatomy Of A "Bro"

Bro Lives Matter

The Anatomy Of A "Bro"

Bro. The word evokes such powerful emotions. To those idiotic idiots who cannot understand the vital role that the "bromance" plays within society, I must ask you to sit your stupid, little face down and prepare to be blasted with some knowledge. As a bro, I would like to present you with a concise breakdown of a "bromance". Of course, the importance of each component of this dynamic relationship will be explained to you plebeians who have nary a clue what a "bro" truly is.

1. Bromance. It takes two to tangBRO.

Bros come in pairs. Much like what the scientists have described to us in the documentary "50 Shades of Grey", there exists a dominant and a submissive. Each bro brings strengths and weaknesses to the table. They both enhance and build each other up. However, may be confused when you see a group of guys together. In a group of five bros there can be two bromances max. The odd man out is what we experts in the field call a "satellite bro". It truly is sad to see a bro go their whole life without finding their mate. Such is the struggles of this cruel world.

2. Bros form a symbiotic relationship. They depend on each other to survive and thrive.

Pictured above is my bro and I. Zachary Robert Gannan is the big one. G-Unit and I hit the gym on the regular and get our pump in much like many other bros out there. If we weren't there to spot each other while we do heavy squats -- well, I can't begin to think what would happen.

3. Bros are "Ride or Die". They will bend heaven and earth to help their significant other.

Throughout history there have been bros willing to risk it other for their counterpart. When I was in Sunday School I was taught about different kinds of love. There is Ludus, Pragma, Agape -- no where in the curriculum were our innocent minds conditioned to the all powerful love that is bromance. Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Bros do.

4. Bromance strengthens romance

Bros, since the dawn of time, have been confused with gay men. The only difference is the lack of love making. Everything else is pretty much -- yeah, the same. It's an easy mix up. However, it is a widely held belief among behavioral psychologists that a bromance enhances a heterosexual relationship. So long as your boyfriend, husband, whatever has a responsible bro by his side it can be beneficial to your own relationship. If he is with his bro, homie ain't out cheatin'! Should this bro have parental talent you have an extra hand to watch the kids. Maybe the bro can fix things. Free handy man? I think so. Women, let the bromance continue. Your third-wheeling is pivotal to your romantic success.

5. The evolution of the "bro" is a testament to the survival of man

Since the dawn of time, gender roles have divided mankind. It truly is a shame. However, I am going to argue that bros have long been the sleeper; they have been the key to human success. Bros have been the major contributor to happiness in this bleak world. Ladies, I see you. You are smarter, more efficient, more emotionally intelligent, and superior to men in almost every single way. You have been oppressed throughout time, not by bros, but by plain, old men. Ladies, support the bros. Men, if you aren't a bro, then I suggest you become one and stop being an idiotic idiot. Bros provide humor, friendship, and unconditional love and support for their fellow man.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments