To think that you gave someone your all and not get theirs in return is a sad thought. Am I not worthy of all you've got? Could you not see I was trying with everything in me to please you? What's the problem?
As Valentine's Day 2018 is upon us, I can't help but feel overwhelming sadness for my ended relationship that I thought would last forever. Key word: thought.
As I dwell on my sadness and try to process things in my mind, I've come to a partial understanding and sharing my heart is all I want to do.
Every time a relationship ends, someone feels feelings of unworthiness. As I've been told many times since my breakup, that's not the case. We are all worthy of someone who will love us for who we are and not what we can do for them. We won't have to become someone we aren't just to make someone happy. The person that is meant for you will walk into your life, if they haven't already and you will see for sure why past things never worked out. The phrase "we don't mesh" won't even be a thought. In my case, it was. I don't know what that means, I don't really even know how to take that other than just take the truth for what it is and go on.
I was drained. As a teenager trying to figure out life, a nursing student trying to make a career for myself, and on top of all that trying to balance being the best girlfriend I could be, it got hard. I lost every bit of myself in trying to balance all of this. I was so caught up in my "girlfriend" role that I cared nothing about myself. I craved more of him and his dreams, and was, and still am, so incredibly proud of what he is doing in his life. But why walk away?
Things got real, and they got real fast. You chose to walk away when things got hard, just so you could go back to the life you had that you so desperately wanted away from. It's hard to love someone else when you love yourself too much to see anything other than what you want. I can't make anyone see the big picture, and no longer will I try.
I believed you. All the times you said you cared and you loved me, yeah, I believed you. I know for a time you did love and care for me, but you got caught up in yourself, and that's okay. I tried to love you with everything I had in me. I tried to care for you, because that's the person I am. I wanted what was best for you, and I couldn't wait to see you achieve everything you wanted in life. But I gave up because you did. You gave up on someone who would have never given up on you.
I was happy before you, and I'll be happy again soon. I am only one person and can only handle so much, so many battles have been fought, but as I fought alone I've found it's better off to surrender than to keep weathering the storm. So as I go through this phase of sadness, I want you to know: I will always want what's best for you, and I know you'll do great things in life. I hope you find a girl that loves and cares for you as much as I did. And lastly, growing up is a part of life. We have to face it and not run from it, I can't wait until that day comes for you. Thank you for all the good times and even the bad ones. I do not, nor will I ever regret my time with you, but that time is over and I'm going on. In the end, lessons will be learned and a stronger person I will be because of it.
Again, thank you!