When I started college, I was pretty hyped up. I had spent my entire life up to that point going to Catholic schools and it was my first foray into the New York public school scene. I had to pick my own clothes every day? The horror! All jokes aside, though, I was happy to start a new chapter in my life.

However, I wasn't happy for long. Classes were long, essays were longer. So much reading and sticking my head as far into textbooks as it could go left me feeling lonely and depressed. I started seeing a counselor to talk to about my anxiety and my worries for the future, and my friends had to put up with my rain cloud vibes. I knew I was being an all around nuisance. Yet the more I tried to get out of that funk, the more lost in it I became.

And then one day on the train to school, I popped open a Snapple and read the fact on the cap. I know these facts are notorious for being made up, but the one I read that day changed my life, whether it's true or not. What follows is something I wrote on that train ride.

"So, my first question is, “How many of you have had your hearts broken?” And I don’t mean just by a boyfriend or girlfriend or any romantic interests in general. I mean by best friends who backstabbed you, by parents who either try too hard or not enough. By your heroes who turn out to be jerks. A book that leaves you shattered or a song that tears you in two. And, lastly, of course, by people and things that aren’t even aware of what they’re doing to you. Yeah, we’ve all had our hearts broken.

Me? I’ve had my heart broken many times. Not only by people and events out of my control, but by life in general. Because life, no matter who you are, will always try to break you. It’s not prejudiced or racist or biased. It’s not out to get just you, even though I know it feels like that way sometimes. Trust me, I know. I’ve done things I’m not proud of; been a person not worth knowing. And I’ve done things that have left me with enough pride and happiness for the rest of my days. But the one constant in all these situations is that my heart was ripped out repeatedly in one way or another. I always wondered if having a heart was even worth it anymore. Which leads to my second question…

“What do you think of worms?” do you think they’re slimy? Squishy? Blind little gross things that burrow in our gardens and lawns and drown in the rain? Or do you think of it as a descriptive term for a person who’s a coward or a traitor or a sneak? Well, whatever you think, know this: according to Snapple “Real Facts” #750, “The common garden worm has five pairs of hearts.” Ten hearts. Those tiny creatures have ten hearts!

So, when you’re like me and you wonder what’s the point of having a heart if it just keeps getting broken, remember the worms. Because I think the scariest part of getting our hearts crushed is that we don’t know when they’ll heal, when the pain will go away and we’ll feel whole again. We just don’t know.

That’s why we have to go out and live as if we have five pairs of hearts. If those minuscule worms can do it, surely us humans, who think ourselves so great, can pull it off. Now what do I mean by this? I mean go out and live as if you’re not afraid of having your heart broken because you have nine more of them waiting in tip top shape. You’re safe.

Go out. Go get your heart broken over and over again by people, places, things; by life itself. And one day you’ll see that you didn’t need nine other hearts; the first was good enough, strong enough right from the start."

It sounds dumb, but when I was a freshman, this little piece of prose was what got me through. It might be arrogant, but I inspired myself the day I penned it and it felt so great. I remembered why I liked writing, why I liked words, why I liked my life. I remembered how to fight for that life. This piece eventually got picked up by the school's literary magazine and that led me to meeting new people and gaining more confidence. Since then, I've had two more pieces published by them, got my heart broken a couple more times, and, most importantly, I learned that it's okay to be afraid of the future as long as you don't let it stop you from living your present.