Ted Bundy Is The Face Of Modern Rapists

Ted Bundy Is The Face Of Modern Rapists

Charismatic, psychopathic people are becoming the new norm.

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The 30th anniversary of Ted Bundy's execution was on January 24, 2019, and a documentary came out on Netflix that was based around Ted Bundy's actual tapes that were recorded before his death in the 80s. A new movie starring Zac Efron as Ted Bundy also came out the weekend of the anniversary.

What has caused Ted Bundy to rise to such infamy was he was not your standard serial killer or serial rapist. He was handsome, well educated, he had girlfriends — he was completely unsuspecting to most people. His parents never wanted to believe that he had done it. Because who would ever want to believe that their child was capable of that?

He was in law school. He wasn't what FBI agents or police officers would think of when they thought of a serial killer. Charles Manson and John Wayne Gacy were the faces that law officers associated with this kind of crime, not a "handsome devil." It opened the eyes of a lot of people to the fact that rapists and murderers can be the person sitting next to you who looks so sweet and clean-cut.

Because in today's society, that's the kind of criminal that many people face in their lifetime. The people that some would never suspect, even with allegations against them. The kind of person who could be living a complete double life and seem innocent and kind. That's what the rapists and murders that people are afraid of really look like. Rape is happening less out of the bushes and random acts but increasingly by people who are known by the victim — even people who the victim had a relationship with because then it gets very confusing to sort out the feelings.

That's why there is a warning to not watch the documentary alone, and people are doing so anyway, eliciting a very fearful response because it is so real and shows that it really can happen anywhere, to anyone, by anyone. Good looks do not stop murderers, and it is very, very real for many people.

I ended up watching the documentary by myself. OK, I had a dog and a hamster there with me, so I wasn't totally alone, but I did not become as scared because the monster that was being portrayed on the screen had been in parts of my life already, and I had made it out alive. But this a reminder that so, so many people don't make it out alive from those encounters.

Trust your instincts. Build friendships where it counts, and don't give up on life, even if there are "Ted Bundys" still out there in the world.

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How The Past Affects The Present

The funny thing about trauma is that people don’t really like to admit that they’ve experienced it.
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I am continually amazed just how much my past affects my present. I am the person I am today because of the culmination of all my past experiences. Some of these experiences make me a better person, and some of them make me a bit more difficult or complicated.

It is scientifically proven that a person experiences trauma even before they are born. If a pregnant mother is in a car accident, she experiences trauma, increasing her heart rate and passing that trauma on to her baby. The funny thing about trauma is that people don’t really like to admit that they’ve experienced it. We’ve all seen Grey’s Anatomy, so most of us believe that something has to be horrific in order to be deemed traumatic. An icicle has to pierce you in the stomach or you have to be rescued from drowning just in the nick of time. Really, trauma is anything that shuts down the upper brain, putting your body into the fight or flight mode. I would argue that everyone has experienced trauma of some degree at least once in life.

However, despite having this knowledge, I am still amazed at just how little I think about my past experiences and just how rarely I admit that some could be classified as traumatic. If I’m being honest, I can admit that I don’t like to focus on painful pieces of my past too much. There are memories that still make me sick to my stomach when I think about them in depth, and there are songs that I don’t like to listen to because I get flashbacks to something upsetting. Recently, I’ve been very focused on the future, so focused that I haven’t realized just how subconsciously overcome I’ve been with my past.

Someone called me out this week, and it made me think about why I behave the way I do. I realized how much of a hold my past still has on me. This isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it is good to remember the past and learn from mistakes, unhealthy relationships, or painful confrontations. Other times, it can hold me back. Some mistakes keep me up at night even though no one else remembers that I made them. Sometimes unhealthy relationships keep me from trying to build new ones. Why try to meet new people when being on my own works well? And, honestly, confrontations always seem to be painful no matter how many times I force myself to confront.

I’m not sure my past will ever let go of me, and I know I wouldn’t really want that because it is the foundation of who I am now, metaphorically speaking, roots to a plant. It’s good to know, however, that there is a moment where I get to decide when to stay rooted and when to surpass my previous experiences and attempt to make new, better memories.

Cover Image Credit: pxhere

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You Don't Get To Tell Me To 'Get Over' Being Sexual Assaulted

What you should, and shouldn't say when your friend says they were sexually assaulted.

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The society we live in today, as unfortunate as it is. Is a rape culture society. A society where kids and adults use the word "rape" jokingly and don't take the topic seriously. One in four women and one and six men are sexually assaulted by the time their 18 years old. What many people don't understand, is just how hard it is to open up about it. When someone does, you may wonder, What do you do? How do you help? What do you say?

There will always be things that survivors are, or are not comfortable opening up about. Regardless, to anyone, there will always be "harmless" comments that are actually hurting these survivors.

I'll be the first to admit, I was that girl. When I was 16 years old. I never told my mother. After numerous people told me, "It was probably your fault," "You deserved it," "You're probably lying," you tend to go numb. Although I am stronger now and made it a platform to educate and help others-many others cannot say the same, and will be affected by it for their entire lives.

So, please, when your friend, neighbor, roommate, classmate or anyone else opens up to you about her assault, please, watch what you say.

1. Believe them.

Only 3% of rape accusations are fake according to some data. With courage and pride, it takes a lot to tell someone about a sexual assault or abuse — please. Believe the person.

2.Don't criticize the actions leading up to the assault.

Don't ask what they were wearing. Don't ask who it was. Don't judge them.

3. "You should have reported it!"

Sixty-eight percent of rapes go unreported according to some studies. Even when reported, it is rare that the rapist will serve prison time. For many, whether it be due to knowing therapist or not wanting to harm another person, after an assault, you're likely not.

4. Don't tell us to get over it-

Everyone heals differently. My healing process may be a week or two, yours may be a day, and that girls' from bio could be two years. Trauma heals differently. Let everyone heal how they need to.

5. Don't compare stories.

"At least you weren't raped at a party, it was your boyfriend/friend." Absolutely not. It's a given, don't be a bitch and one-up someone opening up to you.

6. Don't ask why I'm so "OK talking about it."

Again, everyone is different. One person's ability to calmly discuss and help others is not going to be everyone's case. Many will not heal quickly, some ever.

7. Don't ask me why I've put off hanging out with you for awhile.

I may have healed, and I may be okay and have had relationships since. But, that doesn't mean I won't be hesitant.

8. Don't catcall me.

This is traumatic for anyone. But for survivors who may have been raped or assaulted at a party or bar, this could bring up memories.

9. You were married/dating, it doesn't count.

It just doesn't work that way. Rape is rape. In any situation.

10. "You've done bad things too"

Yeah, you're right. I have. But nothing even close to sexually assaulting someone.

11. "You've slept with other people though? It must not be that bad..."

You have to heal, you're going to end up fine. This one is just bitchy.


So, what can you say? How can you help? It's easy. Here are some things you can, and frankly should say to a survivor

"This wasn't your fault."
"I believe you."
"What do you need? How can I help?"
"You can talk to me when you're ready"

Overall, nothing can help someone heal at a faster pace. Again, everyone is different. While some girls may never shed a tear about it and use their story to help others, some may never fully heal. So understand that there isn't a magic fix. Support from someone they know is there for them could be the best thing at this moment. Finally, remember that no matter how terrible you feel about it, just know the individual that experienced it feels much worse.

If you or someone you know is or has been affected by sexual abuse or assault and need help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

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