There are 16 of you in a room all ages from 18 to 44. In just the sixteen of you, one of them had something taken away from them that the rest of them got to have. The first time that one person had their first sexual encounter, it was rape. That's right. There was no love, no laughter, no cuddling, no memory that they can giggle about as they got older. They were raped.

How do we know? Women are finally speaking up about it. A recent study found that in the 18-44 age range, 3.3 million people had this happen to them. Imagine if that age range was wider. Imagine if people who couldn't speak about it, could. Imagine how many children it is happening to now, that we don't know about. That statistic would grow by the millions.

Honestly, think about this. We've seen in the news stories of rape all the time. Some make national headlines (yea, I'm talking about you, Brock Turner). It happens all the time and we know it's not just the nightlife 20-year-olds it happens to. I'm talking about 15-year-olds. Yup, the average age for this to happen is 15. How can you do that to someone? How can you hold down a 15-year-old and think it was perfectly OK, that she wanted it, she liked it. A goddamn 15-year-old who just started her period a few years back.

NPR said that "More than 26% said they were physically threatened during the encounter, 46% said they were physically held down. Over half (56%) of them said they were verbally pressured into having sex, and 16% said that their partner threatened to end the relationship if they didn't have sex."

Yes, that is rape. That messes with your mental health, even your physical health. This study found that these women "were more likely to have a range of health problems, including unwanted first pregnancies, abortions, endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, and poor overall health." They knew exactly what they were doing, no misunderstanding about it.

I cannot imagine what it was like at 15 to have that happen.

But, I do know what it is like to be raped.

I was raped in a gym tanning booth by an employee who was flirting with me. He was making me feel good about myself, showing me around, and even changed my birthdate in the system so I could get special privileges at the gym. Then he locked the door when showing me the tanning booth and I didn't say a god damn word.

At 17. Just two years older than a 15-year-old.

I didn't speak up. I was hesitant, I pulled away from him a little and he just pushed back. But I never said no and there was no proof. I was silent. I was so worried the whole time he was going to tell people I signed that I was 18. I was in such shock that this was really happening. So I stopped fighting (like I could do anything anyway) and was silent.

Can you believe that was what I was worried about or I was in that much of a shock to just...freeze?

I was so embarrassed, I washed my whole body and didn't tell anyone until three days later, where a whole rape kit was done. I was questioned like a suspect at SVU because, well, I never said I didn't want him. I followed him into that room. But my body language was quite obvious — but who can prove that? I never said or even acted as if I wanted it but he continued because I never said no.

In the end, I didn't want to make a scene so I walked out after him, smiled and said goodbye.

I sat in my car for about an hour and couldn't move.

At 17 I couldn't hold back my tears, my fears, my embarrassment, my anger, and my thoughts. Every inch of my body was looked at. I had my first pelvic exam. I swallowed which seemed like 20 pills just to keep me from developing any type of diseases. I had to tell the same story over and over again to every new nurse, doctor, police, detective, therapist, social worker, WOAR worker. And then, I was handed off to a therapist by the state who said "good luck" and on I went with my life.

All of this at almost 18. And at 21, this is my first time ever going public with this.

Imagine if I was 15. Imagine all of these things happening at 15. What thoughts could I have had? What did I know about diseases? What did I know about anything? I didn't. I probably would have never told anyone. I may have had an STI or something worse. If I did, imagine what kind of impact not only the rape has, but the whole experience after has on you.

Imagine if that was my first.

Imagine not being able to fight or be so scared that he had something so silly over you that you kept silent. Imagine not telling people...for days...for months...for years. Take yourself back to when you were fifteen and the thoughts running through your mind. Imagine rape being one of them.

Sexual assault is not a misunderstanding, it's fucking illegal.

I never gave consent and that was a fact. It leaves an impact on someone, especially if it was your first ever sexual experience. No one, at any age, deserves to have that happen to them. We need to do better. We need to teach better. We now more than ever, need to teach young girls what rape is and what do to, not just how to use a tampon. Teach young boys how to ask for consent. Learn the signs of abuse and sexual assult...do better.