Is it possible for one’s heart to be wrenched and squeezed with beauty rather than pain? How can something that is so pleasing to the eye cause the air to be pushed from one’s lungs? With every new, decadent site that I feast my eyes upon as I travel, my hands clench and unclench in heartfelt distress. I reach out desperately, trying hopelessly to grab at this moment, hoping that I can steal it away and save it for later. Treating each moment as if it were an object to be possessed. I am terrified of losing what is right in front of me.
With each new experience and magnificent setting that life brings me to, I feel utter joy, but also a heavy solemnity. In the moment that I feel a great sense of awe and appreciation, I also feel sadness at the thought that the moment is fleeting, it will soon be gone, and what if, just what if, I never get to experience anything like this ever again? You might be thinking, “Oh, that is so silly, this is not something to be sad about!” But these very thoughts do occupy my mind! I value each experience in new and wondrous places so dearly; they are each so precious to me. Is it just me, or are there others out there that share in this dilemma?
I want to freeze each moment.
Allow me to list for you a recollection of what I call 'pocket moments.' (I call them pocket moments because they are times that I want to bundle up and put in my pocket for later.)
The breathtaking second of walking out of the Venice train station and glimpsing the glistening canals bustling with boats and activity.
Standing in the square on Valentine’s day in the presence of the statue of Giulietta and hearing the love letters rustling on the walls.
Experiencing the first mouth-watering, fat and wet tear-inducing slice of Naples pizza.
Standing in the ruins of Pompeii and gazing at the enormity of the looming Mount Vesuvius.
Breathing in the Tuscan countryside from the hill in San Gimignano.
Witnessing a haze of purple settle over the city of Florence from the vantage point of the Piazza de Michelangelo, and the orange sky growing in vivacity, highlighting the Duomo...
I want to wrap each experience up delicately in a cloth and slip it away in a trunk to visit later. But alas, this is not the way life works. I have learned that I have to savor each day and to be fully present, indeed, to fully live. Maybe I will not visit some of these breathtaking places again, there is a chance that these experiences will not be repeated, but that is the beauty of it! There are so many adventures to come, which are simply unfathomable to me at this point in my life. Life is too abrupt to feel any sort of gloom for mere fear of loss, instead, I want to rejoice for every second that I am alive.
Me, myself, I get to live! And so I want to live well, to savor every sight, flavor, and sound. So, that croissant that I had this morning that was filled with decadent, mushy, sweet honey, well, I enjoyed that croissant like it was the best thing I had ever eaten, and like it was my last. I want to take even the most mundane moments and make them glorious.
So here is to living fiercely, loving fiercely, honoring each moment for what it offers us, and giggling with the sheer joy of the wild chance to live. So I challenge you, today and every day, to live with joy and wonder and awe. Live life for the gift that it is!
“Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.” -Ernest Hemingway
