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Student Life
My College Move Caused My Little Sister To Develop Separation Anxiety
Students moving to college has a ripple effect on families that is too often overlooked
20 March 2019
2928
Moving to college is a daunting experience for almost every first-year student. It can be lonely, awkward, and you might miss your family... a lot. It makes you realize that after living with your parents and siblings for eighteen years, the act of uprooting what you have always known and leaving it all behind, is a really strange thing to do. You are no longer surrounded by the core people that have made you who you are today. And while I was dealing with these circumstances, I failed to notice how it takes effect on my sibling's emotions.
While it was obvious that my parents were dealing with the great heartache of their first child leaving the nest, I never considered the distress that it would cause in the lives of my siblings. A whole person is taken out of the original family dynamic, changing the ambiance of their household life entirely. I feel that this is often disregarded, as every event from graduation, to move in day, is about the child who is leaving. But it wasn't until my family began to relay the distressing tendencies of my eleven-year-old sister, did I recognize that she was showing signs of depression. And the guilt hit me instantly.
My mom and dad would each call me on multiple occasions to tell me how often she seemed to not be present or was not eating enough. Whether at the dinner table, in the car, or out shopping on the weekends, they could not seem to lift her spirits. They would also complain that from the time she arrived home from school until bedtime, she remained in her room, on her phone or computer. Although for a preteen this is not unusual, it was shocking to us as she used to spend the majority of after-school time with friends, and later hanging out with the family until it was time for bed.
Finally, I came to the conclusion that her self isolation must stem from the fact that my parents went through a divorce a few years ago, leading to me becoming a motherly figure to her during the nights spent at my dad's house. And she was probably just starting to adjust to that agenda until I left for school in August. But she was not the only one left feeling like she was missing something.
Although my brother doesn't outright show that he was as affected by my departure, he has mentioned to me many times how neither house feels as home-like with me gone. Because of this, he disregards any attempt to better his home relationships and often uses his newly acquired car to drive to his friend's houses where he spends most nights. Although this is his coping mechanism, it leaves my sister home with only one parent or the other, feeling like a newly appointed only child.
The issue with this is that my parents don't know how to give proper attention to a metaphorical only child, nor do they have the time. My siblings and I always had each other to keep company so it was never an issue. Therefore, my sister is left lonely, and slowing receding into mildly depressive tendencies. And no matter how often I encourage her to call me and discuss her feelings, I get the idea that she doesn't believe that anyone will understand, or that she feels as though discussing her feelings becomes a burden to others.
Luckily my family recognized what she was going through after a while, and has begun to take action to help her out of this funk. However, the possible mental illness that I saw her beginning to develop at such an early age is extremely worrisome to me. Not only do we live in a world where mental illnesses are more prominent than ever due to social media, but sometimes the families of those affected are the ones blindly causing it. We need to encourage our parents and siblings to bring about their compassion for each other more often. Because in a fast-paced world like the one we live in, where everything is constantly going, we often forget to look at those around us and make sure that they are feeling valued and heard.
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Entertainment
Penn Badgley Is Back Again In The Netflix Original 'You' And Not Much Has Changed
With a troubled past and a clouded mindset, Joe Goldberg only has one mission in his life and that is to love Guinevere Beck.
28 January 2019
21
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZtRnIwv_FY
Dating back to September 19th, 2007, we met Dan Humphries (Penny Badgley) an original fan favorite on 'Gossip Girl' who took the world by storm with his enchanting looks and heartthrob actions which made him a character to remember. Throughout the series, his character was keeping the biggest kept secret from his friends which meant constantly speaking about them on an online blog as well as keeping this anonymous feature to himself while available to the general public. Although many of his peers had speculations that this anonymous person titled "Gossip Girl" could have been a number of different people in their inner and outer circle, they never believed that Dan Humphries would be the convict. As the series continued they finally came to the conclusion that he was the one dictating their lives online and creating all of this drama within their inner circle.
It doesn't end there, the new hit Netflix Series 'You' invites audiences everywhere to experience the acting and portrayal of Joe Goldberg by Penn Badgley once again as this thriller takes us by surprise at every second of the series. With a troubled past and a clouded mindset, Joe Goldberg only has one mission in his life and that is to love Guinevere Beck, portrayed by Elizabeth Lail. This sweet romantic love, in the beginning, turns into an obsession which quickly becomes creepy and unsettling to the eye. We see this new present character pick up slightly on the weird and crazy actions that the 'Gossip Girl' character could have done as well but never to this extent.
We try to sympathize with Joe Goldberg within the film as he creates a somewhat healthy relationship with a younger boy Paco (Luca Padovan) which turns into something a bit less lighthearted towards the end of the series due to a difficult, horrifying decision. This relationship makes us smile at some points while also creating concern for Paco due to the deep skeletons in Joe's closet that he is holding close and far away from the young boy. Yet, we are also heavily relieved that Joe only slips up and effects Paco once throughout the series. As viewers, we are always at the edge of our seats wondering what will happen next and this especially happens throughout 'You'.
This series not only highlights the issues that Joe Goldberg has about his deep-seated past, yet we are also immersed into the environment of a vulnerable yet strong woman, Guinevere Beck who has had an extremely difficult childhood yet uses her passions of writing to heal and progress. Although some of her tendencies aren't healthy, she is connected with toxicity throughout her whole life. At every chance that she has, Beck does her absolute best to get away from all of it. Little does she know that she is constantly putting herself back into those situations by trusting the wrong people.
Overall, this Netflix series is a major hit due to the writers and directors assembling themes that are still shocking and surprising us as viewers and giving us things that we haven't necessarily seen before. They are incorporating obsession, fear, passion, and love into this story which gives the audience something to hold on to and develop various opinions due to the emotional rollercoaster that is built throughout the series.
'You' is definitely one of my favorite Netflix series of all time, Is it yours?
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Travel
Abusive Friendships Are Just as Painful as Abusive Relationships
Its been nearly seven years since I ended a pretty terrible friendship, but the effects haven't worn off entirely.
26 December 2018
195
Alexandra Michalski
Back in grade school, I was most definitely at the bottom of the food chain. I don't know why or how but I just was, and I had learned to deal with it. I guess that's why I was so excited to jump on the opportunity to make another friend, who for the sake of her own privacy we will call Patricia. Patricia seemed nice enough, if not a little pushy at times, so I didn't see an issue with becoming her new best friend. The friendship continued on as we grew older, slowly becoming more twisted and manipulative as time went by. It wasn't until seventh grade that I can safely say it had become an abusive friendship.
At lunch, I would always sit next to her and essentially become her punching bag. Now she wouldn't full-on beat me up, she wasn't that mean, but she did punch my arm multiple times throughout the lunch period if I said something she didn't like. Conditioning me to only talk about things I knew she would enjoy, and to keep my mouth shut if I thought I would say something that offended her. I wasn't a fan of this development, but I kept my mouth shut, wanting to hold onto one of my only friends in the building.
During the spring break of seventh grade, she and her family took me to Naples, Florida with them. I remember this trip being an absolute blast, and it included a trip to Harry Potter world at the peak of my Harry Potter addiction; so I did whatever I could to remain in Patricia's good graces throughout the trip. But one moment shook me to my core and still does to this day. After a busy day at Universal Studios, it began to pour, so Patricia and I darted onto the shuttle bus not really caring who we cut off in line. That's when I heard a mother whisper to her child, "We wait our turn, so we're not rude like those girls there." I've been called many things in my life, but this stranger calling me rude was one that has stayed with me all these years. Was I really becoming rude just because I was spending so much time with Patricia? The answer was yes, I was slowly being molded into one of her cronies who would do as she said to stay in her favor. Now, I hadn't seen Mean Girls yet, but I was basically Cady when she accidentally turned herself into a plastic, complete with abandoning my real friends, or should I say, friend.
It was eighth grade when Patricia caused my best friend in the entire world to cry at lunch. Patricia had been ignoring her for the better part of a week at that point, and my friend had hit her breaking point. Her abusive tendencies weren't aimed solely at me you see. She had a way of making everyone miserable around her as well. To see my best friend crying like that hurt, I knew what Patricia was doing was wrong but because I was so scared of her, I never said anything to disagree with her. Up until that day. Little by little I began to defy her, I questioned what she said and didn't make a peep even after she punched me like usual. I slowly realized how manipulative she truly was.
On our eighth-grade trip to Kings Island, I decided I wasn't going to sit around and ride the same roller coaster over and over again, I wanted to ride some other rides. So I went off with a group of some other students who I was friends with and spent the day riding with them. It is important to note that at this time I did not have my cell phone on me because I had lost it the week before, so the only way I could communicate with Patricia was through one of my friend's phones. Needless to say, communication was limited throughout the day. I first knew something was wrong when I said hi to her mom, who was a chaperone on the trip, and she just glared at me. That was odd. Normally her mom was nothing but nice to me. I shrugged it off, thinking that maybe she was just sick of watching kids all day. It wasn't until we regrouped to take our class picture that I was berated for not staying with her all day and how dare I ride a ride with her boyfriend. Boyfriend? Oh, did you mean the guy you called an asshole yesterday who thought you were absolutely insane? Then yes I rode a ride with him, strictly as friends, but even then it didn't matter because the relationship was entirely in her head. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the school year, which was only another week. We somehow patched things up by graduation as I have pictures of us together at the event, but I'm not sure how we managed that. I guess it was because I was desperate for friends. After all, being stuck with the same sixty students for nine years doesn't leave many options for new friendships.
The week after that we started summer gym for our high school, to waive our gym credit during the year. Patricia and I hung out during the course, but much less than we would have before the Kings Island incident. While the memories of this week are rather hazy, I do remember, not hanging out with her on the last day of the program. Instead, I decided to hang out with some new friends I had made during the course. Patricia didn't like that. Not one bit. On the bus ride back, she berated me for not hanging out with her and severed the friendship on the spot. I cried for hours upon making it home, but do you want to know something? As soon as I stopped crying, I felt better. It was finally over. I was no longer going to be her punching bag both verbally and physically. I no longer had to worry about pleasing her whenever she was around. I was allowed to be me again. I was allowed to figure out who I truly was, since my formative years had been shaped by Patricia and her overbearing influence on my interests, or should I say hers?
It's been almost seven years since the friendship ended and I worry that the scars from this friendship will never truly go away. I still filter my conversation's without meaning to and use humor to distract those who are in the middle of an argument, my old methods to avoid getting hit, without even realizing it. I still fall into my old people-pleasing ways, but I remind myself that I'm not in that situation anymore. I'm not the same Alex back in grade school that just wanted to fit in and be accepted by her peers. Now I know that I don't need to worry about what other people think of me. I can be who I truly am and still have friends who love me for that.Keep Reading...Show less
Family Friends
The Most Important Skill You Can Learn At This Age Is Understanding Your Core Values
I once thought I knew all of my tendencies and ideas, but it feels as if I just met a new person by really digging in and seeing the inner core of what makes me who I am.
12 November 2018
95
Regardless of what breath of life you venture off to, core values will remain an essential part of your identity. They drive your interests, passions, beliefs, and opinions on just about everything. As such, it is vital that everyone understands their core value. No, not just what they are, but rather why and how those specific values are their core ones. Personally, I express my thoughts best through writing, so I decided to choose two of my core values and write about why I genuinely care about these two aspects of life.
Courage is one of my most important core values because it enables me to be more daring and take risks. With this progression, I ultimately end up building my personal development both from a tangible and intangible level. Keeping this core value to heart, I made every attempt to implement courage into my leadership experiences. For instance, there was often complacency and lack of participation from many members in a community service organization called Young Musicians for Voluntary Action that I led. To fix the issue, I drastically increased the number of concerts needed to a member and enforced stricter rules with attendance. Although this choice was audacious and not well accepted by many at first, I knew that it was necessary to remind members that volunteering is not something one can merely half-heartedly commit.
Family is also a crucial part of my core values because I saw in short bursts just what family could represent. Specifically, family consistently provided me with comfort no matter how harshly life treated me. More importantly, my family was an affiliation I would willingly sacrifice anything. As such, I made sure to prioritize time and energy for the family in my spare time over friends or myself. One critical decision that epitomizes my value for family was when I decided not to attend a friend's Bat Mitzvah and instead spend the night with my family watching a movie. Even though I understood that it was a momentous occasion for my friend, my family never had much time to be together in one physical location and enjoy each other's presence. Another experience that shows how the value of family influenced my life is through my tendency to turn to family when I need to talk about my issues. Often, families struggle to be transparent and lack communication, but my family and I, fortunately, are the opposite of that stereotype. From topics like college to more harder subjects such as depression and anxiety, I understand that my family will not judge, but rather do everything to help me overcome.
As basic as the exercise may sound, this activity helped me understand myself on a deeper level. I once thought I knew all of my tendencies and ideas, but it feels as if I just met a new person by really digging in and seeing the inner core of what makes me who I am. Perhaps taking an hour or two of your lives devoted toward a similar activity can have the same effect on you as well.
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Friendships
13 Topics The 'Mom' Of Your Friend Group Lectures You About So Often She's Probably Planning A Test
She loves you, but dang, she probably gets pretty annoying sometimes.
10 October 2018
321
Bobbie Hall
We all love the mom friend, and if you have one you definitely hear at least one of these 13 things each and every day.
1. Did you call your actual mom this week?
Bobbie Hall
Though she knows she's your school mom, she'll make sure you're not neglecting the real mother figure in your life. Your real mom deserves to know what's up with you too.
2. Are you sure you should do that?
Whether it's a sketchy text or something that could put you in danger, you'll hear this from your mom friend a lot. She wants to make you think twice about iffy decisions.
3. Have you eaten yet today?
Bobbie Hall
Sometimes when you're overly busy, you just genuinely forget, and your mom friend knows that. She'll make sure you're getting your daily nutrition and that it's in a timely manner.
4. You should finish your homework first.
Bobbie Hall
Your mom friend knows your procrastination habits and that you'll end up more stressed in the end if you don't do your work now. Just go finish your homework.
5. OK, but I'm watching you, don't do anything dumb.
Sometimes, knowing that someone's watching you is enough to get you to stop doing what you're doing. The mom of your friend group definitely knows that.
6. I'm going to the store, what do you need?
Your mom friend is always bringing you things, even when you don't need them.
7. Please be careful.
Bobbie Hall
Meeting someone from Tinder, going out or just driving home can be very nerve-wracking things for the mom of your friend group. Let her know you're safe, please.
8. Where are you???
Bobbie Hall
Seriously, a night out is the worst for your mom of the friend group when anyone gets separated from the pack. She's trying to keep track of everyone at all times to make sure you're all OK; help her out sometimes.
9. Put on your seatbelt.
She doesn't care that the drive is five minutes. It's incredibly dangerous for you to have your seatbelt off when driving any distance. Buckle up.
10. You should probably go take a nap.
Bobbie Hall
Your mom friend always knows when you're in a bad mood and just need a nap. Some good rest can solve many problems.
11. Does everyone have their IDs/keys?
When going out or leaving the dorm, it's super important that everyone has their money, keys and IDs. This is always something your mom friend will make sure you have.
12. How was class today?
Bobbie Hall
Your mom friend will always be checking up on how you are doing in classes and making sure your stress level isn't too high. She'll do whatever she can to alleviate school stress for you.
13. I'll disown you if you don't stop.
Bobbie Hall
Your mom friend loves you, but she will show some tough love if she really feels like she needs to.
While some of the things she says to you might be annoying, she really does care about you. Show her some love today and let her know you appreciate her!
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