The Ever-Changing Season Of Self
"Nothing changes if nothing changes" - Unknown
Change is scary. Change is hard, but it's inevitable. You either learn to accept the change or you fight it. It becomes a process of finding who you are, and this process of finding yourself is a journey almost everyone takes. Whether it is during their years in college or after, it's about the journey of finding who you are and who you want to be and not the end goal. This growth is almost like the seasons, and I think the most relevant season is spring. It's when everything is "born" again and that is what I think is the true essence of revising yourself. We constantly want to adjust this or that about ourselves and want it to happen overnight, but that doesn't teach us anything.
In truth, our vision of where we see ourselves can change, and we need the previous experiences to know that we want to better ourselves and create a different vision of ourselves but also how we want to go about it. We need the failures of who we thought we wanted to be to become who we are meant to be. How do we move on from these failures? We change our appearance, we try and fix up our goals, we change our lifestyle. I am always searching for the better me. What can I do to improve who I am so I can be better tomorrow? It sounds easy written on paper, but I think it might be the most challenging thing we can do.
I think after a challenging experience in life people need a way to redefine themselves. To try and become a different and better person, someone that doesn't remind them of what they had to go through to get to the position they are in. This process of searching yourself could be short or long. Your mental state changes and the decisions you made as to the person you once were to become who are you are now, may not be decisions that you would make today. We are always changing, and redefining who we are and it is a beautiful process
We are under a constant pressure that's been created by society to become a certain person and if you're not that person you're wrong. We speak about how people are supposed to have the freedom to be who they are, but we are always trying to live up to others expectations, drifting further and further away from our ideal selves. It's hard to let go of your already built up life to create a new chapter, and sometimes you just need a little push. This process sounds really cliche, but it can be a scary experience for some people who are not as accepting to change. College is a great space to reinvent yourself. You're not stuck around the same 50 people you went to high school with and you can find people you are just as scared as you at creating this new chapter, but the best part is that you get to do it together.
My first year of college was rather difficult in its own ways, and because of this time being challenging it drove me to really try and steer away from who I was in high school. I didn't want to be seen as I was before. So I grew out my hair, I partied a good amount (something I never did in high school) and I tried out a few different activities like gymnastics and getting more involved with computers than I did before. Something that defines who I am is my appearance. It has always been something that I have taken more seriously than others, and I am okay with that. As I grew up the styles that I had changed.
The most recent change is my hair. I've spent the last year growing it out, and that was a period of time I was trying to figure out who I am. I was going to college and wanted to find another way to express who I was, and who I wanted to become. It was the start of a massive change in my life and I wanted something that allowed myself to break apart of my life that existed before, besides just moving a few states away from home. So now a year later, I've cut it. It's just another stage of trying to find who I am. I've made this change for me this time and not to escape the problems around me, but accepting them and letting go of the past. Allowing myself to change and not fighting against it.
I stated before how this is a process, and I didn't get to where I am now in my first year of college. I'm trying to find who I am now more than when I was in college. I tried to change who I was when I left for college, and that worked partially but now after that year of partying I realize it's not what I want. I want to be in a room with friends and stay up late and talk. I don't want blazing music that makes it so I can't hear anyone or flashing lights that could give someone an epileptic attack. I want to find out who I am mentally and what I can do to succeed in my life. So if you take anything away from reading this, just know who you are today isn't going to be who you are tomorrow, and if you want to redefine yourself all you need is the courage and effort to do it.
