30 Marriage Lessons From My Parents On Their 30th Anniversary
What is the secret to a lasting relationship? To "remember that the person that will be there through it all is your spouse. They are your best friend."
After my parents' 30th anniversary this October, I began to reflect on the importance that their relationship has had in my life. I became appreciative of the wisdom they have shared with me throughout the years and thought it would be selfish to keep that wisdom to myself!
That being said, I decided to interview my Mom and Dad about what the secret to a lasting relationship is. Here are some pieces of advice from the mouths of my parents themselves:
1. Marriage is two imperfect people forgiving each other every single day.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff.
3. Have a shared set of beliefs and values.
4. Pray together daily.
5. Pray for your spouse daily.
6. Pray for your marriage daily.
7. Find laughter throughout the day. Laughter does good like a medicine. Keep your humor and don't take yourself too seriously.
8. Be spontaneous!
9. Find couples that are likeminded. You must have friends in common that don't just tolerate you, but celebrate you.
10. Never go to bed angry.
11. Remember that your spouse's job is not to make you happy. Joy must come from a higher source.
12. Become interested in your spouses interests. It's not all about you!
13. Be deliberate about scheduling date nights. You have to continue to keep the spark going!
14. Marriage is hard work. Don't give up.
15. Give daily affection. In the midst of your shared routine, something as simple as a hug or a kiss communicates to your spouse that you love them.
16. Remember that marriage is a sacred promise-- it is a promise to love one another, for better or for worse.
17. If tempers escalate, sometimes it is best to walk away, cool down, and revisit a disagreement.
18. Go to Texas A&M games together! Gig'em!
19. Be sincere and vulnerable. Vulnerable communication is vital. If you can't be vulnerable to your spouse, who can you be vulnerable to?
20. Be intentional about listening. You have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that order.
21. Do activities that make your spouse happy! If your spouse likes classic movies, watch classic movies with them. If your spouse loves sports, go to sports games with them.
22. Don't ever be afraid to go to professional counseling-- that is the sign of a healthy relationship.
23. Anything worth keeping is worth discipline. Love is an action as well as a feeling.
24. Don't ever forget the big dates (anniversary, birthdays, etc.). These are annual opportunities to celebrate one another.
25. Learn to respond versus react.
26. Share your life goals together. Ask your spouse, "where do you see us in 10 years? 15? 20?"
27. Seek to understand and empathize.
28. You can't tell the person you love that you love them enough. You simply cannot overdo this expression. Tell this to your spouse daily.
29. Negatives will always be there. Find the positives in every situation that you and your spouse find yourself in.
30. Marriage evolves in every season. Friends come and go, and kids grow up and embark on their own life journey. Remember that the person that will be there with you through it all is your spouse. They are your best friend.
Everyone who knows them loves them, but none more than me! They have taught me to always err on the side of grace, live life in constant celebration, and love others without reproach - they do so with me and with each other. Mom and Dad, thank you for teaching me about love!
You Should Be Watching "90 Day Fiance"
The people need to know!
There are few things in life more satisfying than seeing people get exactly what they deserve. And I get to bear witness to this week after week, every Sunday on TLC. "90 Day Fiancé" is the ongoing story of five couples who cross international borders, having either met online or through chance meetings abroad. The show rotates focus from couple to couple over the course of a two-hour episode. For a channel that is ostensibly about learning (remember, TLC stands for The Learning Channel), they sure do jam their programming blocks full of things that are designed to make you lose brain cells. It is a rip-roaring good time and you should absolutely be watching.
The all-important MacGuffin of the show is the K-1 visa, which allows these foreign lovers to come over and live in the United States. Not a lot of importance is placed on the process of getting the visa, but having the visa arrive is treated like a huge stepping stone for each of the couples. There is a certain chaos in observing the couples' day-to-day lives, and it's voyeuristic in a lot of ways but what reality show isn't?
Each new segment of the show showcases a different aspect of how each couple is a disaster. This season, we have Jorge and Anfisa. Jorge pretended to be a millionaire in order to woo Anfisa away from her home country. She only likes him for the money he doesn't have. Luis and Molly are a mismatched couple whose very existence as a couple is tearing Molly's family apart. Nicole is trying to get Azan to move to the US with her, but he's not having it. Pedro and Chantel's families hate their guts and threaten constantly to tear them apart. And those are just the conflicts they open with! Wait until you get to the part where Chantel's mom thinks Pedro is trying to harvest their organs. This show is amazing because they've managed to find people who by all means do not have the communication skills to be in a relationship, but have the money or the sheer will to get someone to agree to it.
It's one of those "slow burn" watching experiences. There's not always something exciting going on, but there's so much tension just bubbling beneath the surface that even segments where they are doing nothing can feel fraught with melodrama. The question of the show is whether or not the couples will stay together and in most cases there should be no reason for them to stay together.
I love this show because it is trash television, but I also think that there is something to be appreciated about trash television. There doesn't always have to be value to media we absorb, sometimes it is nice to be able to sit back and just let waves of garbage wash over you. This show honestly deserves to be watched by more people because of just how much craziness they can shove into one two-hour time block. Long live the kings of frauding.