To The Friend Who Treated Me Like A Burden When My Mental Health Deteriorated
You pushed me away, so I went away.
I honestly don't know what happened between us.
We met last year and at first, I thought we were way too different to ever be friends, but I was so thankful to be wrong.
We found common ground and built up from there, and you quickly became one of my favorite people, and later my best friend.
At some point, we were always together. You know your friendship is goals when people see you without each other and immediately question it!
I didn't even know a friendship like ours was possible. You were the best friend I'd ever had; maybe the best friend I ever will have.
I don't really know what happened after we got back from winter break this year, but I guess it's not my place to care.
This year has been unbelievably hard on me for so many reasons, and my mental health slipped so low that I didn't even want to wake up in the morning.
You were my go-to person. I confided information in you that not even my own family will ever know. I thought you'd help me out with what I was going through, but clearly, that wasn't the case.
Maybe I was reading it wrong, but I felt like you started to distance yourself from me when you found out I was having a hard time.
Maybe you didn't care about me anymore because I wasn't happy with life anymore.
Whenever I would come over to hang out, you went from being happy to have me over to acting like you'd rather die than spend time with me.
You stopped letting me talk it out when I needed to vent, even though I was happy to listen to you vent because it meant you trusted me and we became closer.
Before this semester, if I needed a hug, you would give me the biggest hug I could ever ask for. I don't know what made you want to stop hugging me, but every time I said I could use a hug, you would simply reply with "I feel that".
I wasn't trying to be relatable. I was asking for support in the only way I knew how.
I don't know if you're aware of this, but people with mental illnesses aren't diseases. You're not gonna catch it from sitting next to me.
You of all people know how closed-off I am when it comes to talking about the bad stuff, so to be dismissed like that didn't help the cause.
I could tell you didn't want me in your life anymore, so I simply left. Some may say I "ghosted" you, but if you didn't care about me when I was in your life, why would you care if I left?
I didn't even think you'd notice I left, and I was right.
It's too bad I won't have you at my graduation or my going-away party when I move, but I guess you wouldn't want to go anyways.
I wish you the best of luck even though I know it is not mutual.
