Ghosting Is The Coward's Way Out

Ghosting Is The Coward's Way Out In A New Age Of Relationships

What is so difficult about telling someone you're not interested?

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A while back, I was strolling through Target with my mom in the book section when she asked me what "ghosting" was. I explained to her that it was a common term for when two people were talking or dating when suddenly, one of the people fell off the radar with no explanation.

They became like a ghost––hence the term. Sometimes, it was even mutual ghosting.

The term has become so common, in fact, that my mom found herself staring at a book entitled "Ghosted," a story centered on a young woman who falls in love over the course of a week and unexpectedly finds herself ghosted.

I've read countless articles on this topic. Some are in favor of this decision, saying it's completely acceptable and even encouraged in some situations. Others find it gross, disrespectful and cowardly.

I have to say, I must agree with the latter.

With the exception of abusive circumstances, there really is no excuse not to pick up the phone and be honest with the person you've been talking to.

If someone has been investing time into you, getting to know you, then you owe it to them and yourself to end things properly. If you have gone on a few dates with this person, then expectations are now in place that should be respected. Communication is one of the major foundations of respect in any relationship––be it a romantic or a platonic relationship.

It's common sense and basic decency. When did those fly out the window?

If you aren't interested anymore, there's nothing wrong with that! The offense comes when you choose the coward's way out instead of choosing a more honorable route. Maybe the other person won't like what you have to say, but at least you can say you did the right thing.

Ghosting is a sign of emotional immaturity.

It's a selfish act that only succeeds in making the recipient feel bad about themselves, wondering what they did wrong...what they could have done differently. Not only is it hurtful, but it could lead to trust issues with future dating attempts, derailing their own love life.

You see, your decision has a domino effect in ways you probably don't care to see.

What is so difficult about telling someone you're not interested? Why not give yourself and your partner the closure that will help each of you move forward?

In all honesty, someone who ghosts you isn't really someone you want to be in a relationship, to begin with.

Think of it this way: They showed their true colors and you effectively dodged a bullet. Maybe it's the new dating trend, but it's not ethical or healthy by any means, and their poor decision may have saved you some major future heartache.

For now, just keep kissing those frogs. One of them is bound to turn into your prince/princess.

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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9 Signs That You've Attained 'Comfortable Status' In Your Relationship

Everyone has that moment when you realize you would've NEVER done that in front of your S.O. six months ago.

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There are many tell-tale signs that point out that you feel secure in your relationship and are comfortable with your partner.

1. You talk about LITERALLY everything.

No conversation point is off limits. There is nothing you won't talk about with that person—weird, but also kind of refreshing. You can talk about your day at work, the annoying kid in your class, tell your S.O. they have spinach in their teeth...

2. You don't have to text them all the time to know what's going on.

While checking in throughout the day is cute, if you go for an hour or two without hearing from them, it's not the end of the world. You know he's probably playing basketball at the rec or she's probably at chapter meeting and can't respond.

3. You aren't afraid to voice your opinion.

In the early days of dating, you may have said her shirt looks great when in fact you hate the color, or you may have told him you don't care if you get Chinese food even though you ate it last night for dinner. When you're truly comfortable, let it fly! Tell them how you really feel (to an extent)!

4. That person is always the first person you go to with everything. 

Whatever the circumstance is — just got a job, failed an exam, lost your wallet, etc. — you always text that person first, even if there's absolutely nothing they can do about it. It just feels right, like something you should do.

5. You aren't as insecure. 

So what if you didn't have time to shower before they came over? No biggie. If you brought the wrong shirt to their house? No worries! You forgot PJs and are staying over? You can borrow their shirt! These things don't become a big deal anymore.

6. You're not completely and totally head over heels all the time anymore.

Of course you still love each other, but it's OK to get on each other's nerves every once in a while! Maybe you had a bad day and they aren't listening. Maybe you wanted to hang out and they forgot and made plans. It's OK! Just use these experiences as an excuse to tell the other person how you feel and DON'T BE PETTY. At least for very long.

7. You sign each other up for things.

Maybe your BF has to be your plus one to your date party or you have to be his plus one to formal. Either way, you sign each other up and tell each other about it later. It's not like they'd have weekend plans that weren't with you anyway, right?

8. You sleep like a baby together.

You've gotten used to his snoring and tossing and turning, and he's gotten used to you taking up the whole bed and sleeping in the middle. It happens, right? You figured it out.

9. You both need your space.

Sometimes you need a night or a weekend away from each other, and that's OK! It just means they'll have time to miss you and they'll realize they wanna spend more time with you.

What else have I forgotten? I'm sure there are other signs you and your S.O. are getting comfy with each other. Comment below!

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