1. Chivalry might be dead.
GiphyOne of the first dates I had was with a recently graduated lawyer, and the entire time I was with him felt like he was testing me: Could I keep up with his knowledge on the Supreme Court and precedents set by them and current events within our government? Of course, I could, but when the conversation turned to Harvey Weinstein and how his actions were benefiting someone, I knew we were headed for problems. Honestly, I am baffled he would even bring this up. Know your audience, people! If your date is an activist for women's rights in the media, why would you say anything critical about the #MeToo movement on a first date? Clearly, sensitivity training was not demonstrated in law school.
Even though I knew there most likely wasn't going to be a second date, he never texted me to make sure I got back home safely. I drove myself because I didn't trust a stranger to pick me up from my house and drive me somewhere unfamiliar.
Here is the thing for men reading this, have the decency and common sense to at least check in and make sure your date got home safely. Throw this stupid "wait three days" rule out the window because within that time, we have already decided you are an ass.
He did text me about a week later on my birthday, which coincidently is also his, but I figured he was drunk and horny, so I didn't bother to respond.
2. Some men tend to overshare.
GiphyI do not need to know about the tattoo you have on your ass on the second date! He shared with me that he and several of his fraternity brothers decided it would be a good idea to get two letters tattooed on their backsides during a bonding moment. I personally don't think too highly of tattoos, to begin with, so guys, until you know your date a little better, it might be a good idea to withhold this bit of private information.
3. It is unfair that men are sweet when they are over-zelous, but women are considered psycho.
GiphyOkay maybe chivalry isn't necessarily dead, but it needs to be refined. One of the guys, during our second date, was already talking about plans for a third date and trips to Orlando to visit me at school. He was telling me about how his friends already know about me and how we have the same family values, which is perfect for the future. I felt like Mathew McConaughey's character in "How to Lose a Guy in Just 10 Days." He lost me after that date.
This guy was several years older than I am, so he is understandably in a different place in his life. His eagerness, though, scared me off. When I told some people about this experience, they said it was sweet, and maybe if he toned down the excitement, I would not have been put off. My question is why is it okay for a guy to act like this yet not for a woman? If a woman were already planning on introducing a guy she just met to her friends, she would be considered baby or marriage crazy. Frankly, I am tired of the double standard.
4. Some guys are clueless about the concerns women have when dating.
GiphyOne of the freakiest things that happened during my brief experience of dating was on the very first date I went on. At the conclusion of a great conversation with one of the guys he told me he had to get to work. We walked out of the coffee place together, and then he asked me to drive him to work. I was so terrified he was going to pull out a knife if I drove him or carjack me.
He could tell I was taken aback, and I informed him where my mind went and why it is concerning to ask a woman that. How could he not have considered that an alarming request? It became crystal clear; men don't have to be concerned with their safety, unlike women who have walking paranoia. Fortunately, I had a valid excuse, having borrowed my mom's car and needing to get it back to her. Thankfully he didn't pull out a knife.
5. Going back to school is a great excuse when you don't want to see the guy again.
GiphyHaving to tell the guys I was uninterested in seeing them again honestly made me sick to my stomach. I don't want to let anyone down, but I was grateful for the excuse of having to be back to school a little earlier than normal. When guys asked if we could go out again, I told him I was going back to school, had to run errands and wanted to spend the remaining time with my family.
6. Some characteristics will just freak you out for no reason.
GiphyI am a very healthy eater, and that is putting it mildly. Essentially, I only eat organic, clean, and non-processed foods. There was one guy who I went on two dates with that only ate French toast, pancakes, and French fries. An all carb diet! I asked him what he ate for Thanksgiving, and he told me pancakes. I almost threw up right on the spot.
He really was a nice and smart guy, but his diet totally freaked me out and still makes my skin crawl when I think about it. He asked me out on a third date to dinner and, I just didn't have the time. But I still couldn't help thinking where he would even suggest for dinner and what he would order. Did he expect to go to The Original Pancake House?
7. When conversations aren't going well, play a question game.
GiphyWhile on a second date with one of the guys who unwittingly became victim to this article, the conversation was not going well. We ended up playing this question game where we asked each other random questions; the only requirement was you couldn't repeat the question for the other person. We kept this going for three hours. It was a great way to keep the conversation going and find out a fair amount about the other person.
8. Try to pick the place you meet a guy for the first time.
GiphyOne of the dates I had was on a pier in an unfamiliar area. Since I didn't want a stranger to pick me up from my house, I offered to drive myself. The problem was that the restaurant was challenging to find. In my head, I was thinking "if something can go wrong, it will go wrong." I had to walk along the Intracoastal Waterway, and I genuinely thought I was going to get thrown to the sharks. GPS showed that I was in the middle of the water. From that date on, I picked the location of the date and always selected a place where I felt safe.
9. Lack of chivalry won't just piss you off, but your parents as well.
GiphyI am incredibly close to my parents, and they were highly amused by my brief dating adventure. They would see me off to the date and would wait up to hear about how it went since they knew my stories would be entertaining. One of the rare times a guy picked me up from my house, he did not ring the doorbell. Instead, he called me and said, "I am outside." What, are you an Uber driver? Here is a tip, if your parents are immediately displeased with a guy, he probably isn't a keeper. Guess what, my parents were right.
10. Always offer to pay.
GiphyThroughout these dates, I picked up one check, which was two orders of coffee after he paid for my ice cream. Although I was genuinely grateful these guys picked up the tab; I had my wallet out ready to pay before the check even arrived. Ladies, always show you are willing to pay. I am a control freak, so I hate having to owe people anything, nor do I want the guys to expect anything in return. Some of them divulged that they liked seeing my offer to pay even though there was no way in hell they would let me.
11. Going on Bumble is a great way to build up your Instagram following.
GiphyMy Instagram following shot right up, although I did get some sketchy and creepy DMs. Thankfully Instagram has a block feature for a reason. Utilize it if you must.
12. No matter their age, some guys cannot kiss well.
GiphyI had my tonsils out when I was eight, but I swear some guy was on a mission to find them in my throat. There was no lead up at all. He literally just stuck his tongue right into my mouth. Mind you, this is a guy in graduate school, but clearly, no one shared with him that is not an appropriate technique.
Another guy nearly chipped my teeth. After trying to get out of the car with a simple Miami style kiss on the cheek, he went a bit further and nearly knocked out my front tooth. He then ran his hand through my hair and said, "Ugh it feels, good." For both circumstances, I couldn't get out of the car fast enough. I ran inside and immediately brushed my teeth, lips, and tongue. If you ask my parents, they will say Hurricane Charlotte blew in, and they were immediately excited about whatever horror story I was about to unfold.
13. Don't double book yourself.
GiphyThis was not my proudest moment. I set up two dates on the same day and forgot about the second one. I was so exhausted from the first date, I accidentally spaced on the second date I planned for later. I was sitting down with my parents eating dinner when I randomly checked my cell phone, which I never do. I saw several missed calls and texts and realized what I had done. I ran to my room, changed my clothes and was out the door three minutes later. Lesson learned, use a calendar to keep everything straight.
14. It's okay if things don't work out.
GiphyDid I find my soulmate? No. But that is okay. I never intended to. This experience helped to clarify what I want, like, and even don't like in a relationship. I ended up getting great stories out of this experience and learned a bit about myself in the process. For the first time, I genuinely put myself out there, and although I was terrified, I proved to myself that dating isn't the scariest thing in the world. Getting thrown to the sharks, maybe, but thankfully that didn't happen.
To any of the guys who unintentionally ended up as subjects to this article, I am sorry. It was never my intention to write about you. Thank you for the ice cream, coffee, dinner, and drinks, and for helping me learn a bit about myself and the dating world.
