Take a chance at love.
Although guys are usually the ones to make the first move today, women should not feel intimidated to take a leap of faith and try something new. Once you get out of your comfort zone, adrenaline will be rushing. It takes practice but eventually, you'll start having more fun with it and your true personality can show. Here are 5 major reasons why ladies should shoot their shot:
"I'm not really a flirt; I just try to be myself." – Niall Horan
I've seen so many girls get played by guys, and I'm so over it.
Honestly, I wasn't planning on writing about guys or relationships this week. I opened up the "create" tab on Odyssey with plans to write a political piece. But then one of my friends walked into the room and just about burst into tears telling me the newest update with the guy she'd been with: Just a few days ago, he broke things off with her, with no real explanation as to why.
While another friend and I comforted her, the three of us started on a whole rant about boys--specifically, how so many of them think they can just play girls, drop us like we're nothing, and so on. While talking to my friend about the situation with her boy, which none of us saw coming, it hit me... There are very few girls I've known who haven't been through similar things with guys.
And now I'm asking why? Why is it that society lets men treat us like we're replaceable, like we're objects, like we're nothing but their next new plaything until they get bored with us and move on to the next one? Hookup culture definitely plays a role in this problem, but why, specifically, do the guys who claim that they're looking for something more drop girls out of nowhere? Or lead us on and then bolt at the first sign of possible commitment? It's one thing to not know what you want, but if that's the case, then don't get involved with someone who does. Don't allow someone to get attached to you if you're just planning on dropping her the second you find someone better.
The way guys treat girls is so normalized, but it really shouldn't be. There shouldn't be anything normal about the way my friend is crying her eyes out over a boy who couldn't care less, all because he randomly decided he didn't want to be with her anymore (and worse, couldn't even give her a straight reason as to why). There shouldn't be anything typical about how I'm tossing and turning at night trying to figure out how a guy really feels when he claims not to know what he wants but always hits me up to "chill." Especially in college, guys are so used to treating girls like we're nothing and we're so accustomed to it that we almost don't even question it anymore. But it shouldn't be like that. It really shouldn't.
No one deserves to feel like they won't be loved. No one deserves to be left hanging. No one deserves to be led on. There's a lot of focus on the really terrible shit that men do to women (like rape, abuse, violent reactions to rejection, etc.) and of course, it's good to talk about those things. But the small stuff, like the shitty approach guys tend to have towards dating, reflects the same root problem of sexism and misogyny. Everything circles back to our patriarchal society--if it wasn't ingrained into men's brains that women are beneath them, we wouldn't have nearly as much issue with them treating us like crap, in any situation. The way I've seen guys treat girls that they're dating, in a serious relationship with, hooking up with, or even just having a "thing" with, is unacceptable. Guys need to stop treating girls like we mean nothing--and society needs to stop accepting that as the "norm." End of story. Because personally, I'm so over it. And so is every other girl.
It's 2019, let's engage in more progressive dating habits
It's the 21st century, and in recent herstory, us ladies have made great strides in progression. We're more involved in voting, professionalism, and government office then we've previously been. We're treated more or less as equals in society, which wasn't nearly the case a couple of centuries ago. However, a lot of our progression is concentrated in professional and socially active environments. Beyond that, namely in our dating lives, things have remained largely stagnant.
It's still a common practice for ladies to wait until men make the first move. Many women still expect men to pay the tab. Mostly, women expect men to carry initiative as far as romance is concerned. Now, this isn't ultimately universal. Some ladies have adopted a more progressive view of the dating world. Some ask men on dates, some do pay the dinner bill. Some even go as far as proposing. Yet, it's still the minority. I challenge all my fellow ladies to try taking a little more initiative if you already aren't.
Ask your crush on a date. Take your boyfriend on a surprise date. Romance him a little by buying him some dinner. Give him a well-deserved massage out of the blue. The special men in our life that we devote our love to, deserve a little romance as well.
Hell, let's go a step farther. Buy your special man flowers.
It's time to break the gender norm of romantic flowers being gifted to only women. In my sociology class, my professor inquired to the men of my class, "How many of you have ever received flowers?" Not a single hand went up. On one hand, I was expecting at least one hand to go up. On the other, men receiving flowers is uncommon in our mainstream pop culture so I wasn't too surprising. However, I've had the experience of gifting my boyfriend flowers for Valentine's day before, and he absolutely loved them. Receiving flowers is such a pure romantic gesture, and is too often only limited to women. Men have the potential to enjoy nice smelling plants as much as anyone else.
At the end of the day, men generally like being romanced as much as us ladies do. Let's spice things up this upcoming Valentine's day, and take initiative in treating the special men in our lives.
Dating is not dating anymore. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but in all honesty, we do not date anymore as a society.
We have all become so focused on how quick someone texts us back, how many times they like our photos and statuses, or if they favorite our tweets. You see we have become so focused on the "fake" and "public" actions of someone rather than the personal and sincere actions of the person. Do not get me wrong, the things above do matter, but in reality, if we focus on the true self of the person we are interested in, everything else will fall into place.
Now, I personally believe we need to go back to pursuing a person and their heart instead of chasing lust and desire. We no longer take the time to pursue anything. In our world, we have become so used to everything being given to us right away, and it, in turn, has affected our dating relationships.
In today's world, dating is more like "hanging out." We get caught up into the wordiness of "talking," flirting, dating, or being in a relationship. I mean, what even is "talking" in the first place? Is that getting to know someone as a friend and seeing if you like what you see and hear? I mean quite frankly, it puts both people in an odd position because you are in a limbo position. Are we just friends or more? Do they like me, or do I even like them?
Dating used to be something that was clear and had set standards. You actually took the time to pursue someone, but intentions were always made clear. People used to know what was expected of them from the start. Now, we have to decipher text messages and read into the "tone" of someone's voice, and use of emoji. When in all actuality if we all made our intentions clear and genuinely pursued someone, none of this would happen.
There is a difference between a chase and being pursued — a big difference. Chasing someone is simply flirting with them, leading them on without any intention of truly wanting them. Pursuing is genuinely making your intentions clear, and acting on those intentions. Taking the time to care for someone and their opinions and values.
We have begun to settle for the "I'm here" or the "I am outside" text message. Someone should take the time to come up to your door and introduce themselves. Dating is not some game to play. It is not the mind game of waiting for someone else to "text first" or call first. It is not the fact that someone has to text you back immediately or post you as their WCW or MCM. Think about it — if these are the things that we are beginning to base our level of connection with someone on, then what are we going to use to measure when we feel they are lying or when we want to get to know their hopes, dreams, and plans?
Let's start genuinely dating again. Fully and truly falling for someone else. Pursuing and no more chasing. Dating needs to become a real true thing, once again. Because quite honestly in today's world, we are going about it all wrong.
