To The Boy I Ran Away From, You Deserved Better Than Me Then And You Still Do
I hope that you can find the happiness that's waiting for you.
I've never been good with commitment. I'm afraid of someone trying to control me. I'm afraid that I won't be independent anymore. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make someone happy when they should be. The long and the short of it is this: I can't commit to anyone in a romantic sense. Friendships are easy for me to commit to. I can handle the commitment of friendship. But I can't handle the commitment of a relationship. And I guess I should have told you that before I hurt you.
It was never my intent to hurt you, and I hope you know that. I hope that you know that I never wanted to hurt your heart. I never wanted to break up our friendship. I never wanted any of that. But I panicked. I saw you opening up your heart to me and wanting to spend time with me and I panicked because I didn't think I could give you what you deserved. I didn't think that I could be the person that you wanted. I felt like I was being trapped when that wasn't what you were doing at all.
If I'm being completely honest, I never gave us the chance that we deserved. At the time, I thought that running away was the answer to my problems. If I ran far enough away fast enough, nothing would hurt me, right? But as I look back now, a few months later, I can see clearly and I can see that I never even gave us the chance that we deserved. I was so worried that I was going to be unhappy that I didn't even think of all the times that I was happy with you. I was so busy thinking about what was wrong that I never considered what was right. I saw the first chance to run and I took it. I didn't want to give us time. I didn't want to see if it was going to last. I just ran and I'm sorry about that.
So if you're reading this, you deserve better. You deserve someone who is willing to give you the moon, someone who views you as their knight in shining armor, someone who will pick you up when you're down. You deserve someone who will look at you like you're their everything. I'm sorry that I couldn't give that to you, but I know that someday someone will, and I know that you'll be happy. Because you deserve all the happiness in the world.
