If I wasn't put up for adoption, I wouldn't have any idea how my life would have turned out.
Wow.. who would have thought that people who you aren't blood-related to can also be called your family. That you could share all these memories and do all these amazing things with and they would still be called your family. You also don't look anything like these people, but yet they are your family. That is something that always confused me growing up and being adopted.
Growing up adopted didn't really phase me too much. I've always known I was adopted since I was in pre-school or kindergarten, so I didn't really think too much of it. All I knew was that I had a loving family that really cared about me and would do absolutely anything for me. My parents, who are also my adoptive parents always made sure that I never went without.
As I got older, I was told that my biological mom gave me up right at birth because she couldn't take care of me. I looked at that as a positive thing because if I wasn't put up for adoption, I wouldn't have any idea how my life would have turned out.
Would I be homeless? Would I be on the street begging for money? Would my parents leave me at home as a little kid to go do drugs or abandon me? Would they go somewhere else and make another mistake that they can't take care of?
All of those thoughts ran through my head a countless amount of times because realizing I was apart of such a good family seemed almost too good to be true. Since I was apart of such an amazing family I didn't care about being adopted or being with my biological parents. Life was just great at the time.
Now, that I am in college, I started to understand myself more and more and I think about my adoption almost every day. I'm so used to people leaving out of my life whether it comes to friends or family members. Nothing is ever consistent.
More and more as that happened I just thought about how my biological mom gave me up and how every time people betrayed me in any way, they clearly didn't respect me and I just wasn't important enough to be in their life, so it was just easy for everyone to leave me.
The feeling that people put inside of me was the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my entire life. Did I have abandonment issues? I would go back and forth with that thought in my head because I always thought that having those type of issues made me weak.
I thought people would judge me. I thought people would make fun of me. I felt like I didn't know who I was. I felt so lost that I started to isolate myself from the world.
Today, sometimes I still feel a little lost in life just dealing with everything, but something that keeps me going is positivity and knowing that everything happens for a reason.