Sweetest Sin
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Sweetest Sin

What is love? Is it passion? Is it innocence? Or Is it sin?

Sweetest Sin
Romance with a Chimera by Dorina Costras

Dear God,

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I remember the first time I saw her, it was a Sunday morning, we had just finished church, and my mother and two younger sisters were talking to the Bishop as I sat on the stony steps, flipping through my black leather bound bible. The wind blew dust against me, leaving specks ingrained in the creases of my blue dress shirt and in-between the pages of my bible. Beads of sweat ran down my armpit, leaving a dark stain on my shirt. The sun glared down, shining its ray of light on each car, making me squint as I watched each church member pull off, their tires screeching for home, Sunday dinners, and family get togethers.

The parking lot was almost empty, only leaving a few cars here and there. That’s when I saw her. She was across the street leaning on the brick wall outside the Lunar Bakery, with a red sucker in her mouth, making her small lips red. She wore blue jean shorts that came to her thighs, a red and yellow flower imprinted tank top that showed off her shoulders and midriff, and black cowboy boots. I had never seen her before; her hair was dark brown, almost black her; eyes were distant as she gazed at the church behind me without really looking at it. I found my hands letting the bible slip from my fingers onto the ground by my feet where I heard the soft thump. I could feel my whole body stiffen as I stood up, as I took a step, and then another. My feet crunched against the gravel. I could here the dirt and small rocks embedding themselves into my shoes, as I left the bible behind.

I placed my shaking hands into my pocket. As I watched her, she fiddled with the sucker in her mouth, pulling and tugging it with her long fingers. This must be a sin, I thought. Her hair moved in waves as she combed through it, making her bangs move against the other pieces of her hair like a current. She looked at the passing cars while I watched her carefully as the breeze of a passing mini van hit me. I looked up to see her watching me; I felt everything in my body halt to a stop, my heart crashing into my chest, my breath caught in my throat. Silence erupted into the air, slowing time down. I could feel the sweat on my palms. Another sin.

“Philip,” I heard someone call from far away, and then again, “Philip”. The voice sounded closer. As the girl and I continued to look at one another, the voice called again impatiently, “PHILIP JUSTIN.” Her cat like eyes lured me in deeper into the dark, pulling me closer to my sin.

My body was being pulled by her; I felt my legs drag forward without my permission. I could feel a presence behind me. The musk of another human being. Then I felt a tug on the back of my shirt, breaking the trance. I turned around to see mother with a scrawl of freckles; her hair was a reddish blond, which aged her ten years. She was a foot shorter than me and wore an all-white dress like she did every Sunday. She fanned herself with the pink flower paper fan. Her voice came out shrill. “PHILIP JUSTIN KENT, answer when your mother calls you, young man!” I looked at my mother’s face for a moment, and then back at the girl. "I…I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you, I was looking at…something,” I said in low voice. My mother looked of over my shoulder, the girl stood there watching the pair of us.

The corners of her mouth turned upwards, I could feel the heat in my face as I turned red. I could feel my mother’s eyes on me as they penetrated through my pink flesh, but I couldn’t look away from her. As my mother’s eyes left my face, I felt her firm hand grab my arm, pulling me into the parking lot. As I dragged my feet, I kept my eyes on the girl. My mother’s bony fingers squeezed my arm tighter. I could feel my shirt scratch against my skin as she pressed down, creating bruises. The girl gazed at me as her hair flew into her face covering up her lips. She began to walk backward, not looking away. Her smile widen as my mother opened the door to the back of her brown Chevy and pushed me in. My sisters looked at, me confused. The girl was still there, but by the bicycle rack, unchaining a purple bike. My mom turned the ignition, the car roared to life, and then rumbled violently as she backed up and pulled off into the street. I glanced up at the rearview mirror, and saw my mother's ice blue eyes staring at me, unblinking.

My eyes grew heavy as she held my stare. I closed my eyes for a moment, knowing the danger I had put myself into. My fingers were cold and wet from the small nerves of disappointment as I turned around feeling the sudden drop of my stomach. I looked over to my sisters, who played with the paper dolls they made in bible school. My sisters and I have never had a real toy in our lives. Mother had always taught us that evil spirits of the damned lived near, and that they would inhabit toys to jump into children to do their bidding.

I could feel the Chevy sputtering as my mother pushed on the brake as we pulled into our small driveway. Our house was a total of ten minutes away from the church. That’s how mother liked it. She felt closer to God, she told me once.

My mother got out first. I could hear the click-clack of her shoes as they slammed on the pavement, stalking off into the house. My sisters followed, getting out of the car with their matching white dresses. Lilly, the taller of the two, was eleven and had our mother’s freckles, reddish blond hair, and ice blue eyes. Emma, who was only nine, shared my dark features, which no doubt came from our father. Our skin took on an olive tone color, our eyes both dark brown.

I sat in the car far awhile, feeling the heat seep in like sand in an hourglass. I knew no one would come to get me. I looked up at the dirty beige ceiling as I remembered the girl and the way her red lips curved when she smiled. The way her delicate long fingers combed through her hair. Her skin looked as if it glowed with her dark features. Her face was so smooth, I could tell! I rubbed my hands against the brown suede seat fabric, feeling the itch to touch her face. My body relaxed as I sank deeper into my thoughts of her long legs. The way her shirt blew against her body.

The car door creaked open, waking me. Still keeping my eyes closed, I said groggily, “ I’ll be in, in a minute.”

The seat dipped in as someone climbed into the car, closing the door quietly. My heart quivered as the person crawled closer to me. I could feel the heat of this person’s body so close to my skin. I slowly turned my head, and opened my eyes, seeing a blurry image of the girl from earlier come into focus. Her green eyes that I couldn’t see earlier stared at me. I took notice of everything else about her. Her hair wasn’t dark brown, but a deep red, and her skin was like honey. Hell, it even smelled like it. Her legs were long and tanned, just like I imagined. I shook my head. This had to be a dream. She smiled, leaning back into the seat. I looked over her shoulder, and saw her purple bike on the ground outside of the car. I looked back at her; she had followed us from the church. My body jolted as if I was electrocuted. The hair on my arms stood up as I moved to sit up, hitting the door next to me. “What...what are you doing here? Am I dreaming?” I asked, out of breath.

“So you’re already dreaming about me, huh,” she giggled with a sigh.

“No, no, I didn’t mean it that way.” I said nervously. I could feel my cheeks burn as I lied. She observed me closer. I felt the sweat dripping down my armpits and my chest.

She giggled a “Hi” as she put her feet on top of the front seat, leaving her boots on the floor.

“Um...hi, you can’t be here, my mother!” I stammered in a high-pitched voice. She quickly moved closer, placing her long thin hand over my mouth.

“Shh, don’t worry, I won’t be long,” she said in a whisper.

Her face was so close to mine, our eyes locked. She moved her hand away from my mouth. I could feel her breath on my mouth. Her eyelashes were thick and full. Her lips were rounder than I thought. Our faces got closer. I saw the brown freckles here and there on her face. My lips were on her before I knew it, my hands taking on a life of their own, wrapping themselves around her waist. She had her arms around my neck. Our kisses were easy and hungry, like we did this every day. Our kisses slowed to a stop.

She pulled away, and kissed the top of my forehead. My hands slid away from her waist. Her hands moved to my chest. I could feel the cloth burn my chest as she moved her hands away. We said nothing. I knew what she and I had done was a sin, but I wanted more. She looked at me hard. Her lips were red, her cheeks were blotchy, and her eyes looked hazel now. She backed out the car, not turning away from me as she fiddled with the door until she opened it, not making a sound. She climbed out, turning around to grab her bike off the ground. She didn’t look at me, but we both felt it. I could tell by the way she curled her body over her bike. My heart was beating like a bird stuck in a cage, wanting to get out. I could hear her hard breathing as she moved away. My chest had bricks on them as I got out of the car. She turned around, her eyes still hazel. She couldn’t say anything, but her eyes said it all: The Sweetest Sin. She turned around and began to walk slowly into the street. I uttered, “Can...can I see you again?” Turning around, she gave me a small smile.

I shouted, "Your name! Tell me your name." She walked up to the yellow stone house across the street, setting her bike next to the old wooden stairs in front of the house. She climbed up the stair, turned her head, and shouted “ANN! But everybody calls me Angel, neighbor." I just stared. "I think we’re going to be seeing each other a lot,” she said softly, her eyes glimmering as she turned around, opened the door, and walked in. I stood still for a moment. I had a new neighbor, and she was a sin called Angel.

Forgive me, Father.

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