Trigger Warning: Suicide
This week, we learned that mental illness knows no bounds.
Society puts immense pressure on those with station and platform. We only see part of the story, the part that they're expected to give us. We saw Kate Spade's clothes and purses. We saw Anthony Bourdain's tastes and travels.
We didn't see what was going on behind the scenes.
Even with the intense political climate in America, it gives me hope that much of the media has made ample room for discussing mental health this past week.
In Lin-Manuel Miranda's Hamilton, George Washington says, "Dying is easy young man, but living is harder." It seems that those words ring true here. Living became too much of a burden to bear for these two cultural icons.
They were innovators. They were role models. They were artists.
But as these two stories unfolded, my mind drifted to the people who dealt with what happened afterwards: what happens to those who found Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain?
Something we as a society fail to consider is that the range of emotions these people deal with goes far beyond sadness. It comes with some level of trauma. You cannot unsee the things these people saw.
It's hard enough to watch a loved one die in their sleep or in a hospital bed.
Imagine finding them in this state.
Kate Spade left behind a teenage daughter. Anthony Bourdain left behind a girlfriend who was at the forefront of Hollywood's #MeToo movement.
It was made public shortly after Kate Spade's death that she was found by her housekeeping staff. There had to be a type of intimate relationship there. Whether or not her staff knew of the demons she was battling, the woman they found was most likely not the woman they had known.
That image will forever be burned into their minds.
We as a society are finally talking about how the effects of mental illnesses do not discriminate. We are talking about how we don't always know the whole story. All of this is so very valid and so very important.
But we cannot leave out of the conversation those who found their loved ones in the wake of suicide.
PTSD from what they saw. Triggers developed from whatever method may have been used. Nightmares. Anxiety. Depression.
All possibilities of what might come next for the people put in the same position as Kate Spade's housekeeping staff.
We as a society need to look at the full picture. The before, the during, and the after.
"Imagine how your family will feel," is never a phrase that should be used when talking to or caring for someone who is struggling with suicide. It implies guilt and can be extremely damaging for that person.
But we need to reconsider how we care for people, the family and friends, who have to cope in the aftermath of tragedy. We need to be ready to help them work through very real trauma.
We need to keep checking up on our strong friends. Our happy friends. Our empowered friends. Our friends who serve others.
Mental illness does not discriminate. And its clutches don't stop at suicide. Suicide isn't the end of the story. There is much more to come in the wake of death.
More trauma. More fear. More despair.
Start a dialogue. Ask questions. Broaden your understanding.
That's the only way we'll be able to catch the people like Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain who were hiding their horrors. And in turn, we will prevent continued trauma for those who love them most.
It Doesn't End With Suicide: Caring For Those Left Behind
We need to be talking about the long-term effects suicide has on those who find their loved ones.