As a 21-year-old female with an excessive amount of social anxiety who also suffers with the paradoxical love of being social, I’ve noticed some everyday occurrences that bring me ridiculous amounts of stress for no apparent reason. For normal, adjusted people, these daily events are just another stepping stone in a fruitful day, but for me and other people with social anxiety, these seemingly casual events cause awkward sweating and internal panic. 

1. Going out:

NOOOOO. Going out to a bar or a party for people with anxiety is usually an … interesting affair. I either feel the need to drink excessively to rid myself of the nagging dread, or I’ll just follow my friends around like a puppy until I get self-conscious about it, leading to more anxiety. Is it worth the hangover? Yeah, unless you want to hide in a corner all night texting yourself “jdsoifjsopmlc.”  

2. Class discussions: 

The kids with social anxiety will sit in the back of class and quite literally pray to the good, sweet Lord above that they don’t get called on, myself included. Not that I’m not intelligent, but being put on the spot makes me anxious like nothing else in the world, and somehow I lose all powers of coherent speech.  

3. Small talk: 

Normal people do not like small talk. People with social anxiety will avoid it AT ALL COSTS. If I see someone I kinda know will expect a greeting, I will 100% make a beeline for a bathroom or suddenly stare at my phone as if I’ve just gotten a text from Harry Styles himself. If the small talk is absolutely necessary, I’ll usually lie about 20 seconds into the conversation, saying I have “somewhere to be.” Spoiler: I have nowhere to be. 

4. Not Enough Alone Time:

If I’ve been around more than 3 people for any long amount of time, I’m usually daydreaming about being in my bed, asleep, or on Netflix. If anyone discovers the polite way of saying, “Yeah, you’re cool and all, but please leave me alone so I can get on Tumblr for 6 hours and avoid all my responsibilities,” please let me know.

5. Talking on the phone:

Unless it is a life or death situation, I would rather get punched in the face than make a phone call to a business or stranger. I don’t even like talking on the phone with my good friends. Get me a carrier-pigeon, I can communicate that way. 

6. The Permanence of Awkward Interactions Person: 

Person: “Hey Mary!”  Me: “Hey!”  Person: “What’s up?”  Me: “I’m good, you?”  A normal person will laugh off this awkward speaking error and be like, “Haha, man, that was awkward of me. Oh well. Time for class!” Not me. I will replay that situation over and over in my head like a broken record for 6 years. It will keep me up at night. In fact, I will have nightmares about it.  

7. Flirting:

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. The amount of times I’ve awkwardly run away from a dude hitting on me is … actually not that high because I rarely get hit on, but you get the point. Flirting is like a combination of every possible social nightmare of a person with anxiety. I am single for a reason.

8. Not Having a Phone Barrier:  

… What do I do with my hands? Put them in my pockets? That looks creepy. Cross my arms? No, now I look mean. Put them on my hips? Now I look like a stern mom. Oh god, someone’s looking at me. Do I have to make eye contact? Help. I CAN’T KEEP LOOKING AT THE GROUND, I LOOK LIKE I DROPPED SOMETHING. Guess I’ll run to the bathroom to get it together. For 30 minutes.