To The Girl Who Stresses Over Little Things In Life

To The Girl Who Stresses Over The Little Things In Life, Learn To Live Unapologetically

Life is a lot more fun when you can laugh at your shortcomings.

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Often, I am described by my family as a social butterfly. I'm outgoing, and I love being around people for the majority of my day, meeting new people, and putting myself out there.

What most people don't know about me is that sometimes, I have days — even weeks — where I can't sleep at night because I am kept awake by the worries in my mind that refuse to be quiet, stressing about every moment of the previous day, regretting a stupid comment I made to someone in class, worrying about the friend who neglected to respond to my text, what I said to that guy after one too many drinks when I was out with friends, that one questionable decision I made. And when I'm done stressing about those things, don't even get me started on the scenarios that I make up in my mind to contemplate, no matter how unlikely they are to become reality.

Take it from someone who's been there.

I know you can't calm the millions of thoughts racing through your mind, the insecurities, the self-doubt, the overanalyzing of every conversation. The self-resentment over the smallest of things, the unrelenting anxious feeling that feels like it will never go away. I know you anticipate the worst possible scenario and explanation for everything, but I've come to realize that allowing myself to think like this just results in an accumulation of negativity, anxiousness, and fear to live a free and unapologetic life.

When I think about it, having anxiety over the things that I do is kind of laughable when I consider that I don't remember what people said to me in class 5 minutes later, and I always forget to respond to texts simply because I'm forgetful, and that person I talked to after one too many drinks, well, maybe they had two too many. It's important to remember that while you are the center of your own world, you are a component to everyone else's, and no matter how hard you try, you cannot control how other people perceive you.

Sure, it's possible that there is a reason they're avoiding your text, or maybe they did think something of what you said, but guess what? Life will go on, and if a person is meant to be in your life, one meaningless interaction or a little mistake you made won't change that. I would be lying if I said I didn't crave validation from people, no matter how significant or insignificant they are to my life. I want people to like me, it's my nature, and as difficult as it may be to accept, some people aren't going to give me that validation, but that doesn't mean that it should keep me up at night.

There are so many serious things in my life that are worthy of stress, but day-to-day interactions shouldn't fall into this category.

No matter how difficult it may be, I have to try to make light of the things that aren't worth worrying about, which I've found to be a better alternative than ending every day with some kind of regret. All you can do is your best.

So, I'm going to continue to embarrass myself sometimes, to stumble over my words, to mess up and make mistakes, and to be imperfect, and I won't apologize to myself for that, because life isn't about achieving perfection. It's about growing as a person and giving yourself the validation you are looking for, and that you are certainly worthy of, even if you have laughed at yourself a little on the way.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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15 Thoughts Pale Girls Have When They Are Forever Sunburnt Instead Of Getting A Golden Glow

Bring back the dancing lo

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I'm not saying that it is specific and I can't speak for anyone else but what I have experienced... as a pale white girl in her early 20's that is nicknamed "Home Hermit" by her parents and a "recluse" by her sisters. Anyway, these are a compiled list of 15 thought I had before and after I tried to tan and ended up looking like a burnt chicken nugget!

1.  "Maybe I'll get a tan today!"

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2. "Is the sun hotter on me because I look like a deformed marshmallow?"

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3. "I look like a vampire, don't I?

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4. "I swear I think my legs could blind someone if they looked directly at them in the light."

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5.  "Why can't I tan?"

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6. "If I tan... wouldn't I turn orange??"

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7. "Oh no! What if I look like Snooki after I get a tan? No!!!!!!!"

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8. "I look like a tomato when I burn!"

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9. "Why do I do this to myself when I know all I get out of it is pain?"

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10.  "EVERYTHING HURTS!! My bra! My shirt! Everything!"

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11. "Ok, I thought I got a tan... but now is my tan peeling off and the skin underneath is still white?"

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12. "I really want to pick at my peeling but it hurts! I'll just suffer through it and do it anyways!"

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13. "New plan! Never try to tan again! It was a mistake."

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14. "The sun is evil!"

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15. "I'm never leaving my house again! Air conditioning is my friend!"

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