The other morning on our daily Gemba Walk around the office, one of my male coworkers said to me “You should smile more.” Now, I know he probably didn’t mean anything by it, but it still really irked me because it's a phrase I hear a lot. I know that I have a ‘resting bitch face’ (it’s actually scientifically proven), so I try to make a conscious effort to appear cheerful and happy when I’m around other people, in fear that they’ll think I’m mean or conceded if I don’t.
I will admit that I was not making that effort this morning. I had just started my period and was a little preoccupied with just trying to make it through the walk without keeling over in pain from my cramps. Even though I wasn’t making the conscious effort to appear cheerful, it’s not like I was an angry monster on a warpath. I was simply minding my own business and paying attention to each presenting department.
As soon as that phrase came out of his mouth, my mind immediately spiraled down a rabbit hole with no hope of returning to the surface anytime soon. I just couldn’t get over the fact that if I was a man and I was having a bad morning, no one would have said anything to me about smiling more. On top of that, if I was a man, I wouldn’t even need to make the daily conscious effort to appear cheerful and happy at work.
But no, because I am a woman, it is a social expectation for me to always appear happy and therefore to always be smiling. And if I'm not smiling, then something must be wrong with me. So not only do I have to spend the extra time in the morning to put on makeup and do my hair to make sure I don’t look sick or tired but I also have to make sure everyone likes me and doesn’t think I’m mad or upset. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Now, I am a firm believer that there is a time and place for everything and this morning on that Gemba Walk was not the time or place for me to go into a charged feminist rant in front of my coworkers. So, I just politely smiled and said jokingly, “Sorry, it’s just my face.”
I normally try to ignore these comments and mask how much they actually bother me. These comments hurt not only because it’s unfair but because it really pains me when people immediately assume that I’m unhappy or a mean person simply based on my facial features. It’s something that has happened to me ever since middle school. And if you ask anyone who knows me, they will most likely describe me as a friendly and caring person.
So, I ask of you, please stop telling me I should smile more.
