When I was little I was absolutely terrified of the dark. I don’t ever remember not having a nightlight in my bedroom, and, if it were allowed, I bet I would have slept with the lights on,

just to be sure.

For a period of time, I established a nightly routine that I’m sure was quite the inconvenience to my parents.

After my mom tucked me into bed with my teddy bear, Puffy, and blanket, Blankie, I would eventually make my way into the hallway between my bedroom and my parent’s room, camping out against the wall. Once my mother was finished getting ready for bed she would check out in the hallway for me, and if I was there she would send me off to bed again.

I had a super difficult time falling asleep, and I was constantly afraid that somebody would break into our house or something terrifying would happen. Eventually, we came to the conclusion that maybe I was afraid of noises that were coming from appliances in our kitchen at night, and I’m sure that played a large role in my fears, but even if those sounds were silenced, I still would have faced every night with fear.

The dark was scary, suffocating, and unknown.

The night was lonely.

And more than a decade later here I am, and I am still afraid.

It’s not that I’m totally afraid of physically being in the dark anymore, but I am still very much afraid of the dark of night.

I’m afraid of the unknown, and the darkness that seems to have the power to overwhelm and suffocate without providing warning or reason.

Because the darkness is lonely.

People can tell you as much as they want that you’re not alone, they can be physically by your side, but that doesn’t always take away the dark.

People can provide light, but the light only prevails if it is connected to the Source.

Piercing through the dark is the brightness, the sun, the light.

Christ is the light.

I am obsessed with the sun. I love the heat and light it provides. Sometimes I just like to look at it, but my friend Isaac and many others have told me that I shouldn’t look directly at it (P.S. they are right, I do not advise this.)

And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Christ is The Son. Both the sun and The Son shed light into the darkness. In fact, Jesus one ups creation because the darkness is not even dark to him (Psalm 139:12).

So why am I still afraid, even as I know these truths?

Good question; I wish I knew the answer.

I can know all of the answers in my head and repeat them day after day, but until I let them travel down into my heart, they are no more than mere head knowledge. They will never impact my being unless I declare that the Light will ultimately have power over my life.

Then, and only then, can the darkness be overcome by the One who is already holding on, waiting for me to proclaim that I cannot endure the darkness alone any longer.

I remember the words of John Mark McMillan, “when the night is holding on to me, God is holding on.”

He is the King of my heart. He is the light that pierces through even the darkest situations.

Sometimes the light doesn’t come when we want it to or expect it to,

But we can hold on to the hope that it will shed its life giving qualities, even in the darkest situations.

Sometimes the light comes as a friend,

Or a word,

Or a song or a story.

A lot of times the light appears in the most unexpected ways.

But the light always comes. And we are always safe.

Look to the light. Hold on, but know that even if you aren’t, you are being held.

The light is yours.

Thanks be to God.