Thanksgiving is only a few days away, so it's officially time to start thinking about what this holiday is really all about -- food (okay so it's actually about being thankful, but the food is pretty important, too). I've already had a few dreams about digging into some turkey, gravy and a mountain of my grandmother's mashed potatoes. Oh, and pumpkin pie. You can't forget the pumpkin pie. So in honor of one of my favorite holidays, I've composed a list of the stages of Thanksgiving eating, food coma included.
1. The "Oh my God, I'm in Heaven" moment
The wide-eyed look on everyone's faces as they stare at the heaping table of yet-to-be touched food is priceless.
2. What on Earth am I going to choose?
How is one supposed to decide between mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole and those steaming hot rolls that look like little clouds of bread? Simple solution: Take them all!
3. Where should I even start?
Should you eat the turkey first? Or maybe the corn? I don't know, that green bean casserole is looking pretty good. Is a turkey, corn and green bean sandwich acceptable?
4. The first taste
Has anything ever tasted so good? You're pretty sure this is better than all the presents on your birthday.
5. The first plate is finished in record-breaking time.
Before you know it, you've set the record for fastest Thanksgiving meal ever eaten. Is it too early to go back for seconds? Let's be real, it's never too early for seconds. Honey-baked ham, here I come!
6. The halfway point
By now you've reached the half-way point, and you realize that it would probably be a good time to stop. After all, you can feel your waist band getting tighter. But Thanksgiving only comes once a year so stopping now seems like a waste. Plus, you haven't even had a chance to taste the cranberry sauce or stuffing. Looks like it's time for a third round.
7. "Oh my gosh, I forgot about the pie."
There's no way you can possibly eat another bite. Until you realize you haven't even had dessert yet. Suddenly your stomach doesn't feel as full.
8. Pumpkin pie? Pecan pie? Apple pie?
Why does Grandma have to make so many desserts? Oh well, you'll take a slice of everything! Make them small slices, though; you don't want to explode.
9. I think I'm gonna be sick.
The food baby has grown so much that you're probably going to have twins. That is, if you don't erupt first. There's only one solution for this food coma: napping.
10. The good ole Thanksgiving nap
Time to go join Uncle Bob on the couch. As soon as your head hits the pillow, you're out. Sleeping never felt so good.
11. 365 days 'til next Thanksgiving?
Once your food digests, you realize with a sinking heart that you've got a whole year until next Thanksgiving. Why can't there be another tomorrow? But wait, Christmas is only a month away! Now on to that Christmas food, talk about a feast.
Every year I tell myself that this is the year that I won't stuff myself. This is the year I'll stick to one serving of potatoes, but that never happens. After all, Thanksgiving comes once a year, so I better take advantage of all the food!
Happy Thanksgiving!
