To The Squirrel In My Trashcan

To The Squirrel In My Trashcan

Get out of my trashcan!


Dear Mr. Squirrel,

After a very long drive, I was so excited to get home. But imagine my surprise when I walk up to the door and see the lid on the trashcan move? And surprise is a nice word. The proper word would be horror. So I do what any normal twenty year old woman would do. I pull out my phone and take a video.

And the most disgusting scene unfolds before me. The lid shakes. And it stops. And it shakes again. And stops again. And shakes again. And stops again. (I knew you were just trying to build the suspense but snapchat videos only last ten seconds so it was very inconsiderate of you.) And finally, a little paw peeks out from under the lid. And slides back in again. Then, I see both paws! And you squeeze out from under that lid like the rodent you are. Then, you stand on top of the trashcan (my trashcan!) all bright eyed and bushy tailed.

I bet you were proud of yourself weren’t you? You enjoyed the finest delicacies that college students throw in their trash. And you defeated our locking lids! We have trashcans with lids so that you keep out of them! But somehow, you managed to pry that top off and slip under it. And then what happened? You got stuck! I almost had to let you out and imagine how upset we both would have been to meet each other, me after my long drive, and you after your night spent in the can.

Also, just think of what would have happened if you hadn’t been able to get out? We’d have a rotting squirrel in our backyard. And isn’t death by trashcan rather pathetic? I mean, you’re a squirrel so I know you’ve got to keep a lookout for hawks and cats and cars. So why would you put yourself in more danger by crawling into a closed barrel? All your friends are going out in a blaze of glory being carried off by hawks or torn to bits by trucks. But you’re about to die in a pile of rubbish. Pathetic.

So please just keep out of the trash. We have lids on our trashcans for a reason and you defy us anyway. It’s super inconsiderate of you. And tell your friends to keep out as well! We’re tired of picking up after them. There’s plenty of nuts in the trees for you and I’m sure there’s plenty of litter on the road just outside our house. So it’d be preferable if you could go snacking there rather than in our backyard.


A girl who doesn’t like squirrels

P.S. If you could communicate this information to all the raccoons, possums, and other little critters in our backyard, that’d be fantastic.

P.P.S The local cat looked kind of hungry the other day so I’m certain he’d have no qualms about snacking on you if you come skulking around here again.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

For a long time, Goya has been a staple in some Latino households. People carry around jars of Adobo when they eat at friend's houses and packets of Sazón Goya can be found in almost everyone's pantry. Many BuzzFeed lists, videos, and memes aimed at Latinos reference Goya somewhere.

But in a year that just keeps hitting us with bad news, Goya Foods CEO Robert Unanue said that Trump was an "incredible builder" and that the US was "blessed" to have him as president at a White House event on Thursday.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Everything You Need To Know About COVID-19 Outcomes, Because It Has To End Eventually

You've heard a lot of possible outcomes thrown around, let's break them down.

If you log into any social media app, you will be overwhelmed with self-appointed experts, preaching the correct way to end this coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic from the comfort of their La-Z-Boy chair. Aside from those dramatic children on TikTok, it's all anyone can talk about. There's an obvious reason for this — the pandemic has taken our world and flopped it on its head, bringing confusion, angst, and an obnoxious amount of sourdough bread into our lives.

All this to say, it's easy to get lost amidst the storm of arguments online. Instead, it's best to break down what's actually going on so we can have an educated perspective as we look to work together to move past our current predicament.

Keep Reading... Show less

Raven Baxter Was Our Favorite Teen Fashion Icon And We're Still Recreating Her Best Looks, Here

We take a look at Disney's most fashion-forward show to recreate some iconic looks.

Disney Plus

I grew up in the early 2000s. And, like any child at the time, I was hooked on Disney Channel shows. My favorite was and is "That's So Raven."

Raven is a teenage psychic navigating life in hopes of not revealing her powers. Only her family and close friends know she has them. Her powers oftentimes get her in trouble, which is where the comedy comes in. But, they also teach her and her friends sentimental life lessons.

Keep Reading... Show less

Sobriety is so underrated, even when it comes to healthcare. The instant gratification of a substance or drink isn't exactly as gratifying as some people may think. For those of you who've never been hungover, consider yourself lucky — a hangover is biologically horrifying. A hangover is not instant gratification, so who are we kidding when people say "it just feels good." Being healthy actually feels good and won't hurt you or your bank account in the morning. The best way to be healthy is to choose sobriety.

Keep Reading... Show less

Ah, yes. The juice cleanse. Yet another popular diet trend that promises to magically solve all of your health, nutrition, and weight issues.

When you take a close look, juice cleanses aren't as magical as they are made out to be, and in fact, they might do more harm than good.

Keep Reading... Show less

Unauthorized Plastic Surgery Is Totally Unethical, And Happening WAY More Often Than We Know ‬

Plastic surgery for cosmetic enhancements has you looking more botched than beautiful and it’s painful to see.

Coming from someone who could afford numerous cosmetic enhancing procedures I would never in a million years cut up my face or my body. I'm pretty emphatic and when I watch these brainwashed victims with bandages and chronic inflammation (swollen lips) I literally feel their pain.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've never been big on casual wear or athleisure. Most people who know me have never seen me in sweats. But, I do have those two or three pairs of sweats I can't resist climbing into the second I get home, the newest addition of which is the extra cozy Odyssey crewneck sweatshirt I got in an XL size to feel as close to being wrapped in a blanket at all times as possible.

In the past several months, I've started to expand my horizons, considering the ways in which I can bring my small wardrobe of comfortable bedroom clothing into the public. I've experimented with topping leggings and a sports bra with a denim jacket to the park, and an oversized sweatshirt worn as a dress, cinched at the waist with a belt when I'm out wearing leggings.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Dress Like Your Favorite 'Insecure' Characters — Without Spending $2,000

We take a look at the fashion of Insecure season 4, and how you can create these looks yourself.


Insecure is one of my favorite shows ever. It really encapsulates what it's like being a Black 20-something, trying to navigate the many ups and downs of life. Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany are living their best lives in California while dealing with the twists and turns that come with that.

From life to relationships to careers, this show truly captures everything that runs through my mind on a daily basis. The show has a sense of realness and a strong frankness that makes you gravitate toward the characters and root for their success.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments