For the first time in my nineteen years of existence, I finally figured out that life isn't fair. This past week has been the hardest week of my life.
It was one of those weeks where every possible thing that could go wrong, went wrong and I was left with nothing but my vulnerability and raw emotions. My heart was broken, my mind was stressed to the max, and it seemed like my life was spiraling.
Now you've read that and you're probably thinking that something insanely tragic happened. Well it didn't. But after three parking tickets, an emotionally draining weekend at work, gaining three pounds from stress eating, studying for two tests and a midterm, and getting zero to no sleep, I finally broke down.
To give an idea of what I mean by "emotionally draining weekend at work," you need to know that I work at an animal shelter. I see a lot of things that would make people sick. Every time that I think humanity couldn't possibly be anymore cruel, it surprises me.
These animals know better than anyone what it can be like to "win some and lose a lot." They know that sometimes the lows in life aren't just a bad day; sometimes they are a bad week, month, or even year.
I have been extremely blessed in my life to only experience bad days with the occasional stressful week. However, this week showed me that sometimes we have to deal with multiple punches and learn to roll with them. We have to be content with accepting the tiny triumphs and handling the numerous tragedies.
The good news is that we don't have to do it alone either. God is always holding our hand and rooting for us. He didn't set us up for failure even though it can feel like it at times. He's also given us people in our lives to support us. I called at least four people to complain or cry or a combination of both. I've realized I can be vulnerable with them and say "I'm not fine."
One last thing I've learned this week: it's ok to fail. Let me say it again... IT'S OK TO FAIL. I'm not even half way through this week and I've already gotten three parking tickets, failed two tests, and cried three times.
I'm a mess and I've accepted that. My hair isn't brushed and my eyes are puffy and I've accepted that. My grades took a hit this week and I've accepted that. I've cried more than a normal person should in the last three days and I've accepted that because there's always hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better. The Lord will not let the darkness reign in my life because he is the light of my life.