My Fiance Lost His Mom, And It's Made Me Love My Parents Extra

My Fiance Lost His Mom To Cancer, And It's Made Me Love My Parents A Little Harder

“You don't get second chances to show your parent's you love them, so you might as well do it now.”


My fiance lost his mom to cancer years back. I wasn't with him when it happened, so I didn't know what he was like while she was still on earth. I only ever hear stories, see pictures, or on good days, watch home videos of her.

I am fortunate enough to still have both my parents.

That is a blessing I think several of us often take for granted, but when you're with someone who doesn't have that same luxury, you really start to see a gift for what it's worth. To me, my parents are worth everything and even more so now that I see what losing one of them can do to a kid.

Though my fiance is an adult, I am able to see the obstacles in his life where he'd benefit so much greater if he'd still had his mom here.

As I plan our wedding, I get a little sad thinking about the dance I will do with my dad. It's a bittersweet moment, but one I couldn't imagine not sharing with him. When I asked my fiance if he'd like to dance with my mom since his wouldn't be able to be at our wedding, he said, "I don't think that dance should be shared with anyone except my mom."

I immediately felt two things. One was a sense of guilt because I couldn't ever dance with anyone else for my father-daughter dance at my wedding besides my dad. It wouldn't sit right with me, and I felt guilty for not putting myself in my fiance's shoes before asking. Two, I felt a little blessed at that moment. I always just assumed I'd have my dad there to dance with me on my wedding day. As if it was owed to me? The truth is, I'm fortunate because he will be there. That's something I wouldn't even have thought about had I not watched someone I love plan a wedding without someone he desperately loved, there.

I fast forward to after our wedding and imagine watching my parents be grandparents to our kids.

They are already so excited for babies that have only, partially, been thought about. I call my mom and say, "I think I'll have my kids call you something like, Meemaw!" Then we both laugh, and go through other names that would sound cute coming from our future kids' mouths.

Before I was with my fiance, I'd talk about my "one day kids" to my parents. I'd tell them my plan for how future family vacations would be and days they'd probably watch them while I worked. We honestly discussed it all. Once again, I felt this was given, promised, and owed to me. I would not have changed my expectations or dreams had I not met Ethan.

As naive as it sounds, I'd still believe that my family and myself were all invincible when it came to death.

But I've been forced to see the repercussions that come with someone losing a parent. When you live with another person, you don't just get a roommate. You don't just get someone to cook, sleep, and go about your daily routine with, you get someone and witness things that happen in their life, and then see the aftermath of it all.

I am more grateful for the presence of my parents now than I ever have been before.

On every occasion where my fiance needs a mom, I thank God I still have mine. And part of my vows to him will be that no matter what it takes, I will try to ease the sting in any way I can for him when he feels like he really needs his mom.

Even though Ethan is the one who lost the parent, I am able to take away a lot from his loss too. Though I wish the circumstances were different... they aren't. When you watch someone you love and live with lose a parent, you start to live each day feeling even more thankful that you have your own.

Do I treat them differently than I did when I first met Ethan? Absolutely.

Did I stop expecting things to happen exactly as I imagined they once would? No question about it.

Did I and do I continue to try and fill a void in Ethan that I could only imagine would be there after losing a mom? Of course.

I have never experienced death enough for it to affect me. I was either too young when a grandparent died or wasn't as close to people that have passed recently. If my parents were to pass, I always tell everyone I would grieve horribly because I've never had to go through what it was like to lose a parent.

The truth is (though it's not even close to the real thing) I've witnessed the aftermath of losing a parent in someone I love. I watch him miss her, I feel sadness from him during songs that remind him of her, and I see the hurt in his eyes when we talk about our wedding, knowing she can't physically be there.

I see what loss does to you, so I try to use my fiance's life as inspiration for my own.

I will love and care for my parent's harder than I ever have before because I know that's what Ethan would've done if his mom was still around, knowing what he knows now. You don't get second chances to show your parents you love them, so you might as well do it now.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.

My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments