Ever been to a gathering of sorts and hid in a conveniently dark corner all night? Well, you my friend are part of an amazing group full of socially anxious humans. I consider myself a people person, just on the inside. I want friends, but the thought of meeting new people terrifies me, so I end up just chilling at home with my tiny dog. In fact, the only reason I have friends is because of school and work. I would be so lonely if I was unemployed and dropped out of college-- the world often looks over us. People forget our names and don't notice us. We are painfully awkward and group projects are our worst nightmare. Making friends is so taxing and is honestly the equivalent to a chore. Human interaction requires a lot of energy, and sometimes it is nearly impossible to do. So, all my awesome socially inept individuals, I have a solution! Here is my simple guide on how to make friends:
1. Online Friends
Want 10 million friends with similar interests? Social media, BOOM. You're done and you don't even have to put in effort. Because effort means getting to know people, and that results in anxiety. Anxiety is bad. Don't do that, just stick to your Tumblr friends, they get you.
2. Family Members
Family has to like you, so take advantage of that. I mean, it is totally not lame to have girls' nights with your Grandma. Grandma cooks for me, tells me I'm great all the time and buys me things. What better friend is there than that?
3. Animals
When humans are getting you down, there is a better alternative. Dogs will cuddle with you, watch that B rated horror flick you bought in the sale bin and not say a word about it. Well, it is probably because they can't speak, but still.
4. Other Social Awkward People
No one will understand your intense social anxiety better than someone who also has intense social anxiety. You can wallow in your awkwardness together.
5. Imaginary Friends
Can't find people you like? That's okay, just make some up. I make friends up in my head all the time. It's not weird, it is called being resourceful.
6. Inanimate Objects
I have a wonderful relationship with my bed, it is the only thing that comforts me in times of turmoil and frustration. Thanks for being there bed, you the real MVP.
7. Yourself
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Okay, now this one might seem crazy. But think about it, you'll have a lot in common with yourself.
8. Ghosts
Just kidding, don't do that. I heard being haunted is not exactly a fun walk in the park. Not today, Ouija Board, not today.
If all else fails...
Stay home.
