So There's Going To Be A Slender Man Movie

So There's Going To Be A Slender Man Movie

It's 2018, and they're coming out with a Slender Man movie - like five years too late.
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Okay, so I'm not that big a fan of the horror genre. I liked both versions of It, though I do prefer the 2017 one. I liked The Blair Witch Project and like to pretend they never made a sequel. Psycho is one of the great classic horror, and I've got a soft spot for the old Universal Monsters movies. However, about six years ago, I found a horror genre online, titled "creepypasta." These were the typical Internet horror stories, but anybody could write them any way they want. Which of course led to people making characters, and others running with them - specifically, Slender Man. After a pretty good freeware game (the next good freeware horror wouldn't be until Doki Doki Literature Club), the popularity soared, coming to a head when two girls attempted to murder another in his name. And of course Hollywood decided yeah, let's make a Slender Man movie. In 2018. Why exactly?

Slender Man first appeared in a Photoshop contest on SomethingAwful in 2009, the contest being to create the creepiest image. Eric Knudsen, under the screen name of "Victor Surge," made two images showing children at play, with a long-limbed, inhuman, faceless man in a suit and tie, refered to as "the slender man." This was an instant hit on the website, and spread across the Internet like wildfire. However, due to uncertainty over copyright status on a meme character, Knudsen was unable to control every story people would write about his monster. Acclaimed YouTube series Marble Hornets did their own take on the story, dubbing their incarnation "the Operator." In 2012, the first video game based on Slender Man was created, titled Slender: The Eight Pages, and was made available as a free download by the developers. The game featured no weapons, and just put the player alone in the woods, trying to gather eight papers with images pertaining to the monster - all while trying to avoid being caught by him. It seemed the Internet had their own Dracula, a monster they could work with and develop how they saw fit.

But of course, this is the Internet, and impressionable children can just get right on and do a Google search. In 2014, two girls became so enthralled with the character that they believed he was real, likely due to their own mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. Believing them to be the "proxies" of Slender Man, they felt they had to kill in order to please him. They lured a classmate into the woods one night, and stabbed her nineteen times, nearly killing her - missing vital arteries by fractions of an inch. She survived, and the two assaliants have been sentenced to a mental institution, as they were "not guitly by reason of insanity" according to lawyers. Practically overnight, Slender Man went from just being a scary image on a computer to being the subject of media attention, with many asking whether or not the Internet can go too far. Knudsen expressed sympathy for the victim, and the creepypasta website communities raised money to help her medical costs. In a rational world, this would be the end of the Slender Man icon, and we'd find something else to make scary. We do not live in a rational world.


Sometime between the attempted murder and 2017, executives at Sony Pictures decided that they better get to making that Slender Man movie now to keep those rights they bought from Knudsen. The premise is a group of teenage girls try to disprove the existence of Slender Man by doing some occult ritual or something, and all of a sudden, one goes missing. Yeah, that's the actual story of the movie. It was slated to come out this May, a couple of weeks after Avengers: Infinity War, a week before Solo: A Star Wars Story, and the same day as Deadpool 2. For some reason, it got pushed back to August. Hey, maybe it will be good. The trailer looked decent, and at least it will be better than the Marble Hornets movie from a few years back (though that did star Doug Jones, which makes it at least slightly watchable). But if we're being honest here, there's a reason they're releasing it in a busy month - it's not going to be a big hit, much less will it be a horror staple of the next few years. It's future is likely to be a Netflix and chill movie, if that. But hey, I'll probably see it down the road.

We must wonder why exactly is this movie happening. Maybe it's a rights issue, and they have to make the movie or they lose the film rights, like 20th Century Fox and Fantastic Four. Or maybe they want to expand the horror characters for the modern era, and give us a modern monster movie. Or Sony Pictures is exploiting a near tragedy for some extra cash to try and capture the market. I think the movie is being made for the first two, the latter reason being an accidental coincidence. It is a little too close to reality, but let's be real, there's only so many plots one can do for a Slender Man movie - either you're gonna get teens doing stuff they shouldn't or The Blair Witch Project, and Marble Hornets already did that. It is what it is, maybe we'll see movies about haunted video games next if this works.

Do I want to see the movie? Eh, if it's on Netflix and there's nothing else to watch after binging the rest of Stranger Things. It probably will be at least passable, something for middle schoolers to put on during slumber parties. The time passed a long time ago for the movie to even get the audience's attention beyond "oh yeah that was a thing." Maybe like 2013 or 2012, before the stabbing happened. Hollywood doesn't really understand time though, and well, here we are. Besides, it comes out in August. It's not like there's anything else people are going to want to see then anyway - late August/September is like the January/February film schedule. Like I said, we'll see what happens, but it's just been too long and with too much real-world violence to really be with the times now. And if we're being honest, at least a creepypasta shared universe is a better idea than the rebooted Universal Monsters project.


Cover Image Credit: HBO

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9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.
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Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.


2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.


4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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From One Nerd To Another

My contemplation of the complexities between different forms of art.

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Aside from reading Guy Harrison's guide to eliminating scientific ignorance called, "At Least Know This: Essential Science to Enhance Your Life" and, "The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer" by Charles Graeber, an informative and emotional historical account explaining the potential use of our own immune systems to cure cancer, I read articles and worked on my own writing in order to keep learning while enjoying my winter break back in December. I also took a trip to the Guggenheim Museum.


I wish I was artistic. Generally, I walk through museums in awe of what artists can do. The colors and dainty details simultaneously inspire me and remind me of what little talent I posses holding a paintbrush. Walking through the Guggenheim was no exception. Most of the pieces are done by Hilma af Klint, a 20th-century Swedish artist expressing her beliefs and curiosity about the universe through her abstract painting. I was mostly at the exhibit to appease my mom (a K - 8th-grade art teacher), but as we continued to look at each piece and read their descriptions, I slowly began to appreciate them and their underlying meanings.


I like writing that integrates symbols, double meanings, and metaphors into its message because I think that the best works of art are the ones that have to be sought after. If the writer simply tells you exactly what they were thinking and how their words should be interpreted, there's no room for imagination. An unpopular opinion in high school was that reading "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne was fun. Well, I thought it was. At the beginning of the book, there's a scene where Hawthorne describes a wild rosebush that sits just outside of the community prison. As you read, you are free to decide whether it's an image of morality, the last taste of freedom and natural beauty for criminals walking toward their doom, or a symbol of the relationship between the Puritans with their prison-like expectations and Hester, the main character, who blossoms into herself throughout the novel. Whichever one you think it is doesn't matter, the point is that the rosebush can symbolize whatever you want it to. It's the same with paintings - they can be interpreted however you want them to be.


As we walked through the building, its spiral design leading us further and further upwards, we were able to catch glimpses of af Klint's life through the strokes of her brush. My favorite of her collections was one titled, "Evolution." As a science nerd myself, the idea that the story of our existence was being incorporated into art intrigued me. One piece represented the eras of geological time through her use of spirals and snails colored abstractly. She clued you into the story she was telling by using different colors and tones to represent different periods. It felt like reading "The Scarlet Letter" and my biology textbook at the same time. Maybe that sounds like the worst thing ever, but to me it was heaven. Art isn't just art and science isn't just science. Aspects of different studies coexist and join together to form something amazing that will speak to even the most untalented patron walking through the museum halls.

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