For those of you who know me IRL, you know how small talk frustrates me. As interesting as the weather is, I’d rather talk about ethics or religion or politics. And yes, I do fully understand that there is a time and place for small talk and innocuous banter.
But sometimes I feel that people, out of a desire to be non-controversial, avoid talking about the stuff that really matters. They skirt the issue or redirect the issue if it’s mentioned. As long as you aren’t under physical or mental or emotional duress ,of course, I say—have those tough conversations. They are so much more rewarding than small talk. In this currently polarized political climate, I wonder what would have happened if six months ago everyone sat around their dinner tables, porches and supermarket aisles with their family and neighbors and talked about what the United States of America means to them. If we really listened to each other: liberals, conservatives, marginalized or privileged, from every demographic imaginable, and said "I hear your concerns, is there a way to move forward that freedom and opportunity are accessible for all?" or maybe said "I love you, despite our differing beliefs." or any number of things besides the polite silence that I witnessed from so many. I wonder what would have happened if we move beyond our small talk about the weather, or the cute antics of children and pets.
Now I've just painted a beautiful hypothetical world that didn't exist six months ago when our country needed it most. But I've seen the power of deep conversation in my own life and it's ability to change people's world view.
In my first semester of college, I’ve had more deep philosophical conversations and rant sessions with my ‘new’ friends than some of my acquaintances back home that I’ve known for over a decade. I’m also flabbergasted that some of my professors are so willing to tackle big issues in class even if they’re not directly related to the topic we’re currently studying and they-despite their greater education and expertise- are willing to reconsider their opinions based on discussions with their students. For that is the true beauty of intellectual discourse- you broaden your horizons, learn about and become empathetic to other people’s life experiences and challenge your own beliefs. That sure won’t happen with discussions of small talk.
Go out and have those tough conversations! Challenge microaggessions that oppress people when they are spoken. Don't shy away from appropriately-timed discussions of controversial topics. I feel that we’re at a juncture in our country’s history and we’re not going to get anywhere until we better understand the oppression marginalized people face and the motivations and systemic reasons that cause people to be oppressive!
Small talk’s sure not going to solve that.
