If you’re scrolling through Facebook, there are countless memes and articles about how we need to stop using the term ‘slut’ (or whore, hoe, promiscuous, etc. but for the sake of keeping things simple, I’m just going to keep using the word slut.), and shaming people. But the problem with that is: sluts do exist. And we should shame them.
Now hold on, before you go on an angry SJW rant about how conservative and close minded I am, hear me out. Let me explain what does and does not make you a slut.
Simply being a woman does not make you a slut.
The number of sexual partners you have had does NOT make you a slut. It doesn’t matter if you can count the number of sexual partners you’ve had on your hand, or if they’re in the multiples of tens or hundreds. It also doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex with one person today, or multiple people (or no one). If you and all your partners consented to the act, then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the number of partners you’ve had. Your number of sexual partners does not define you or your character.
There is nothing wrong with having multiple sexual partners at one time, and/or being in a romantic relationship with someone while having sex with multiple partners when everyone knows and you have consent from all parties involved. Having multiple partners at one time DOES NOT make you a slut, because you have complete autonomy over your body and sex life and NO ONE owns your body. If everyone is okay with it and you’re not hurting anyone, then there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing.
How you dress does not make you a slut, ever. You could be wearing tight or revealing clothing, or no clothing at all. IT DOESN’T MATTER. You have complete autonomy over your body and get to decide what you do with it and when. No one owns it but you, therefore no one else gets to decide what’s acceptable for you to wear. Bodies are not inherently sexual, and therefore should not be sexualized.
Working in the sex industry (i.e. prostitution, pornography, stripping, etc.) does not make you a slut. It’s a hardworking profession that you’re choosing to participate in. You have complete autonomy over your body: what you do, when you do it, and with who. No one has the right to shame you for what you do for work or with your body. That’s your choice.
So, let’s review: what you wear and the number of people you have had sex with does not make you a slut.
Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s get to the good part: what acts are slutty, and should be shamed.
If you are in a relationship and have sex with someone else without your partner’s consent (commonly known as cheating), you’re a slut. I really shouldn’t have to explain this one.
If you are in a relationship and have sex with someone else with your partner’s consent, but did not inform your new sexual partner that you are in a relationship with someone, you’re a slut. You’re having sex with someone under false pretenses, which is not at all fair to them, and is pretty slutty.
If you are having sex with multiple partners at once, and all your partners are not aware of the lack of exclusivity, you’re being slutty. With sex being a risky game (what with the chance of pregnancy and STI’s), your partners have a right to know that you’re not exclusive with them. I’m not saying you need to give them full details about your sexual encounters or even the number of encounters you’re having. But they should be aware that you are indeed having sex with other people. If not, that’s just shady.
Now here’s the most important part: men, women, and gender non-binary folk can all be sluts. This term is not exclusive to women only. Men can be just as slutty here. As you can see, I did not use pronouns during my ‘slut explanations’, because it doesn’t matter. Anyone can be unethical with their sexual encounters, and therefore anyone can be a slut.
Basically, if you haven’t gotten the essence of what I’m trying to say here it’s this: If you are having uninformed non-consensual sex with someone (or someones), you’re a slut. And yes, you should be shamed for this, because there’s nothing cool or ethical about it.