To The Boy I Should Have Appreciated More
Start writing a post
Relationships

To The Boy I Should Have Appreciated More

You truly never know what you have until it's gone.

676
To The Boy I Should Have Appreciated More
Thought Catalog

To You,

Things were kind of rough for me in the beginning of high school. Just one boy after another making me feel as if I wasn't good enough, or was unlovable. I was raised better than to just "give it up" to anyone, and I guess this was my flaw. It wasn't until I stopped looking, that I found you.

As cliche as it is, I had felt broken for so long. I had heard so many excuses as to why someone couldn't be with me. They weren't ready, they didn't want to be tied down, or something along those lines. You met me when I was in a million pieces and put me back into one.

Our relationship was one that every girl dreamed about. There was never a moment in time where I didn't feel like a princess. Truthfully, I felt that I was unworthy of being loved by someone like you. You always knew what to say and did things without expecting something in return. You made me adventurous and helped me realized that I deserved more than what I had settled for in the past.

Like in every relationship, we went through the amazing and anticipated "honeymoon" phase.

For me, this faded, but for you it never did. In the moment, I wondered why you were still able to act as if it was our first date when I felt as if it was just another ordinary day of us hanging out. I began to shut you out and it was out of my control.

At first, I found it so easy to let you in and I wish I could explain to you as to why it all changed.

I think I got so used to the feeling that I convinced myself it was too good to be true. I assumed at some point soon you were going to tell me that you couldn't be with me and I would be right back to where I started. Looking back now, I wish I had known that wasn't going to be the case.

From day one I said to you, "If I ever try to end this, fight for it." Suddenly, I got to a point where I had become so numb to any affection shown to me and was unable to give it back to the people who needed it the most. It wasn't until you started to doubt everything that I finally snapped out of that daze, but it was too late.

Life really started throwing some curve balls our way that we were unable to dodge.

You started to slowly break and I tried to pick up the pieces but you wouldn't let me. Now you started to build this wall up against me that I couldn't get past and still have yet to break down. You went from someone who got excited to plan our future to not even being able to picture a future. The worst part is that you said it had nothing to do with me.

The week before heading back to school I tried so hard to pull that boy out of you that I had fell in love with, but nothing seemed to work. Old traditions didn't seem as special, and funny memories didn't seem to make you laugh. It had become everything that I had feared. Every day I think about how all of it is my fault despite what you say. If I hadn't acted the way I did, maybe things would have been different.

Now we are both at school doing our own thing because everyone tells us that it's something "we have to do."

You tell me that we will be okay, but for the first time in years, I don't know if I believe you. We haven't talked in awhile and it kills me. Every time something happens I want to tell you, but I'm scared that I will get no response. Besides us dating, you had become my best friend. The person I went to to discuss the highs and lows of my day. The person who assured me that I could achieve anything I had set my mind to.

I wish I could express in words how sorry I am.

I'm sorry I made you fight so hard to not get anything in return for so long. I'm sorry that I wasn't always the bubbly and optimistic girl that you deserve. Now I sit in my bed watching old videos of the happy times we had wishing more than anything that we could go back.

I don't know what will happen with us, but I hope that one day we find our way back to each other. If not, I hope whoever comes after me gives you everything that you want and deserve. If I could go back and do it all over I would, a million times. You truly never know what you have until it's gone.

So this is to you, my first love. I hope you're finding yourself.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

177253

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers

1634283

Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

1023402
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series

930499
Netflix

Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

607751
Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

390807
Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?

503417

Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments