I've Been Sexually Harassed, Even Assaulted, Because Men Pressured Me Into Sex
Start writing a post
popular

I've Been Sexually Harassed, Even Assaulted, Because Men Pressured Me Into Sex

And the victim-blaming isn't helping women become more confident, just FYI.

6456
I've Been Sexually Harassed, Even Assaulted, Because Men Pressured Me Into Sex
https://odysseyimages.s3.amazonaws.com/cropped_HkvrsSnNz.jpeg

 Yes, feeling pressured into having sex is sexual harassment. 

Saying that the girl should have known, that she should have spoken up, that she should have just left his ass right then and there, is victim-blaming. When you say this, you make it more difficult for women to stand up. You tell them what we should have done. They feel like they will be judged for anything they say and do. 

When I lost my virginity, we were midway through sex when I spoke up and said “I don’t think I’m ready to do this.” He stopped. He looked at me. He said “Really? Halfway through? Don’t you think you should have said that earlier?” I didn’t say anything. He kept going. He finished. 

That day, I realized to keep my mouth shut and let a man do what he wants, and to pretend to enjoy it.

Later on, I had been dating a guy for 8 months in high school. One day, I was actually in tears while having sex because I didn’t want it. He saw my tears, but he kept going. Did I say no? No. He saw my tears. He knew I didn’t want it. Did I feel comfortable to speak out? No. This was a boy I swore I loved. But he did this to me. He manipulated me into having sex with him even when I didn’t want to. Months after we broke up, he told my sister that he was dating some other girl because she was “pure,” and I wasn’t. 

After this relationship, I believed that I was disgusting because I enjoyed sex. I was unpure and tainted. 

That day, I realized that sex is to be ashamed of — And I should be ashamed of myself.

My freshman year of college, I went to a guy’s dorm. We were making out. He moved my hand to his pants. I told him I wasn’t ready. He said OK. We kept making out. I moaned. He got up off the bed and went to grab a condom. I said no. I told him I said no. That I wasn’t ready. He spent the entire night trying to get me to have sex with him. 

I was afraid to get up and leave that night because I was afraid to disappoint him. It would have been awkward to leave. I learned from the beginning to be submissive and please.

I didn’t have sex with him that night, and I never talked to him again. 

That day, I became a stronger woman.

I’ve been in this situation more times than this. Does that make me weak? It shouldn’t, but it sure feels like it. 

I can hear so many people thinking, “You should have spoken out,” even, “You weren’t secure enough with who you were to be having sex.” I have been afraid to speak out and speak up because of what others will think of me. 

“Oh, she’s such a slut, and she always has been.” 
“Well, maybe she shouldn’t have had sex at a young age.” 
“Of course he walked all over her, she let him.”

I have been afraid to say no because of what a man will do to me. Will he guilt me into having sex? Will it just be easier to be submissive and let him do what he wants to me?

It’s not the “no” that counts. It’s the consent. It’s the yes. The resilient YES. The “Yes, I want you to have sex with me.” “Yes I want that.” “Yes, give me more.”

Consent is sexy. I say this from being in many relationships where men didn’t use me. They didn’t guilt me into it. It was fun for the both of us. These relationships (with the help of bad-ass women, counseling, and tons of self-help books) empowered me to be the confident woman I’m learning to be today. 

Why aren’t we asking MEN the questions?

“Did you ask her if she was ready? Or did you just assume?”
“Are you secure enough as a person to take a no for an answer?”
“Can you use common sense to see that a tear falling from her face is a no?”
“Are you man enough to ask if she wants this?”

If he has to beg, it is not consent, even if you say yes. 

Let me repeat: IF YOU HAVE TO CONVINCE THEM, THE ANSWER IS NO. 

Don’t try to break her down. “I can change your mind.” “Why not? What do you mean no?” 

Why aren’t we empowering women from the beginning? Never let a man treat you like you deserve them anything. You are a goddess. You are not worth a man’s time if he is begging for your sex.

Instead of victim-blaming (“She should have said no!”), we need to create a safe space for women to feel empowered and allow them to come forward about sexual harassment. I have spent most of my life afraid to speak out because of what society would think. But here I am. 

Here is the darkest, most scarred part of me. And with this, I am healing. 

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

College 101: How To Ease The Back To School Blues

Getting back into the school groove when you just can't seem to let go of summer.

4163
Beyond The States

With fall classes just beginning, many of us find ourselves struck with summer withdrawals. Especially for those who refrained from taking courses over the summer, it can be quite difficult to get back in the swing of things. Fortunately, there are various ways to help make the transition back to college as smooth as possible.

Keep Reading... Show less
Dating Apps

We Met At A Bar

Salvage what you can; if you can't, it's alright to walk away.

3660
We Met At A Bar
Anne Waldon

We met at a bar.

Keep Reading... Show less
Sports

The Mets And Me

They may be the worst sometimes, but this baseball team has given me more than I could ask for.

3190
Rich Schultz/Getty Images

On September 3rd, 2001, a sea of children littered my home's navy-carpeted den to watch baseball during my dad's 40th birthday extravaganza. A baseball game flickered on the TV, and a red and blue bubble of a scoreboard sat in the bottom right corner of the screen. The New York Mets and the Philadelphia Phillies were in a wild game at Veterans' Stadium. As I, a five-year-old boy with a jumble of curly blonde hair, sat in the back of the kid clump, I wondered which team I should root for. After a long debate with myself, I decided that I should root for the team that's winning (duh). But, as the ninth inning rolled around with the Phils maintaining a 7-5 lead, some magic occurred. The Mets put up five runs in one frame, stunning the Phillie fans in the room and winning the game 10-7.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Which BTS Member You Are Based On Your Star Sign

If you love BTS, I'm sure you relate to one or many of them in several ways. This star test will help you learn more about which member you are most connected to.

2493
Which BTS Member You Are Based On Your Star Sign

Astrological signs tell a lot about a person. Do you ever wonder what your BTS bias star sign is? Is it the same as yours, or or are you more like one of the other amazing members? Take a look and find out what yours (and the members of Bangtan) says about you.

Keep Reading... Show less
Relationships

Hittin' the Road Playlist

With the end of August approaching more quickly than many of us would like, the preparation for school is happening in more ways than just one.

4624
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2014/08/11/635433794713320635180099351_road%20trip%20playlist.jpg

The car is all packed. The money you saved (and didn't spend online) from your summer internship is secured quietly in your bank account. The immediate reunion with your long-distance college friends is set. The real question on everyone's minds is: do you have the perfect melody to jam to as you journey back to school? 

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments