A Letter for My Insecure Self

A Letter To My Future Self

On a mission to make this my best year yet. 14th grade here I come!!

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Future Me,

I am not here to tell you to be the smartest in your class. The most religious person in your Bible study. The fittest person at the gym. What I am here to tell you is far more important than any of those things. So, here I go.

After finishing the first year at college I was extremely proud of the accomplishments and trials you were able to overcome. Though the transition to school was not the easiest thing in the world, you made it work by putting yourself out there and joining groups, clubs, and organizations. Come second semester things really started to turn around so, yay you! Summer has come and gone, and here we are at the beginning of our sophomore year in college! Along with the excitement that comes along with not being the "baby" on campus anymore, moving into the sorority house, and taking classes that are applicable to my major, I want to make sure you are also taking time to be excited about loving yourself!

On those weeks when you feel too lazy to walk down to Bible study and try to make excuses of having "too much homework", look back at this and think to yourself, what do you have to lose by giving an hour of your time to something you care about?

The days when you are running from class, to class, to meetings, to the HRC, to dinner, take time to sit down and treat yourself. No, that doesn't mean to find an excuse every day to buy a Starbucks, eat a slice of cake, or binge watch a series on Netflix. That's just called being lazy! But know when your limits are being pushed, and when they are, take a break and don't forget to take care of yourself!

When you walk out of a quiz or test and feel like your life is over, go back to your room and hug it out with your friends. Life isn't over from one 7/10 on a quiz. You WILL graduate. You WILL get a good job. Take a deep breath and realize that while the competitiveness of grades and GPA that is bred on a college campus can sometimes be great to motivate you, it's necessary to step back and realize how amazing you are and how far you're going to go in life.

When you wake up and feel motivated to do absolutely NOTHING, ask yourself if you are being lazy, or if something is really going on inside. Let yourself have fun, don't stay cooped up in your room binging Queer Eye with a bag of popcorn every single Saturday. Sure, it is good to have some alone time reading a book or watching a show, but don't withdraw so far into yourself that you miss the things happening right outside your door.

Who loves the gym? Maybe like, 1% of people. As much as you hate it, get your booty to the treadmill and put in the work to get results that you want. Abs don't come from watching fitspo videos every day on YouTube… sad but true. A healthy you is a happy you, don't neglect your health due to school work or laziness!

Basically, be a kick-ass you. The best you that you can be. This year has so much to offer, and so many new memories just waiting to be made. Put yourself out there, be confident and do your best. Here's to your best year yet!

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A Letter To My Freshman Dorm Room As I Pack Up My Things

Somehow a 15' x 12' room became a home.

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Dear Geary 411,

With your creaky beds, concrete walls, and mismatched tile floors, you are easily overlooked as just another room we were randomly assigned to— but you were different. Inside your old walls, I have made some of the best memories of my life that I will hold on to forever.

Thank you for welcoming my neighbors in with open arms who quickly became friends who didn't knock and walked in like you were their own.

I feel like an apology is needed.

We're sorry for blaring the music so loud while getting ready and acting like we can actually sing when, in reality, we know we can't. Sorry for the dance parties that got a bit out of control and ended with us standing on the desks. Sorry for the cases of the late-night giggles that came out of nowhere and just would not go away. Sorry for the homesick cries and the "I failed my test" cries and the "I'm dropping out" cries. We're sorry for hating you at first. All we saw was a tiny and insanely hot room, we had no idea what you would bring to us.

Thank you for providing me with memories of my first college friends and college experiences.

As I stand at the door looking at the bare room that I first walked into nine months ago I see so much more than just a room. I see lots and lots of dinners being eaten at the desks filled with stories of our days. I see three girls sitting on the floor laughing at God knows what. I see late night ice cream runs and dance battles. I see long nights of homework and much-needed naps. Most importantly, I look at the bed and see a girl who sat and watched her parents leave in August and was absolutely terrified, and as I lock you up for the last time today, I am so proud of who that terrified girl is now and how much she has grown.

Thank you for being a space where I could grow, where I was tested physically, mentally and emotionally and for being my home for a year.

Sincerely,

A girl who is sad to go

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When Was The Last Time You Were Alive?

If you can't post it for everyone to see, was it truly a remarkable moment?

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Being alive is an essentially effortless act.

In theory, as long as you're eating food, drinking water, and performing as a human, assuming no major health conditions, most of us are living.

The tragedy I see most often is so very few of us are alive.

Now, I'm not suggesting you drop your textbooks and sprint up a mountain, or go broke trying to find yourself in new activities and events.

That's the illusion pressed onto so many of us. Social Media, more importantly, FOMO, has taught us that in order to truly be alive we need to make sure we travel far and wide, eat gourmet and unique food, and essentially, immerse ourselves in something phenomenal. However, regardless of what you do- don't do it without an audience and the value of your experience will only be justified by the number of likes you accrue on your #bestvacation ever because you #lovenature. With your back to the camera and wispy hair flowing in the beach air, you hit all of your angles, how else will you prove that you're alive to Instagram?

I fell for this too. I spent so much of my life constantly trying to get to the next phase life had to offer. High school was fun, but I was counting the days until graduation. Growing up in a small hometown wasn't awful, but I had sticky note calendars until my next vacation. And day in and day out, events would happen all around me that were just too "normal." I wasn't alive, but I was living.

Setting your soul on fire and truly living is so much more difficult than you could ever expect, but not because you have to drain savings and take along a buddy to snap all the perfect moments.

Choosing to be alive is realizing how important it is to be in this moment or phase in life and accepting it for all its worth. Instead of racing to the finish line or trying to sprint into your next season of assumed happiness, take time to notice all the beautiful and small things that make this moment so important. There is so much life to be found in simple moments.

Semesters are ending, we are all racing to summer. Perhaps in the process, take note of the routine cafeteria worker that constantly smiles at you and says hello. Or perhaps, giggle at the fact that in just a few short weeks that bus driver you see every single morning won't be apart of your morning routine.

The farther I get from what used to be my normal, the more I miss that season of life. I haven't lived in my hometown since I was eighteen, but I miss the simplicity that came with my drives to high school listening to Kanye West and the coziness of a small town opening its doors to start a new day. I never stopped to be alive in those moments, I was just simply living.

Wherever your next phase of life might be, it will always be there. You will always have something else coming. However, once this moment is gone. It's truly gone. Don't waste beautiful views trying to capture just the right picture for Instagram, take in the moment.

Living and experiencing life can be as simple as trusting that you're exactly where you need to be in life. Cherish each moment as you're in it. The next moment is coming whether you're ready or not.

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