“And so being young and dipped in folly, I fell in love with melancholy” - Edgar Allan Poe

This is a quote that I love so much that I will most likely have it tattooed on my body one day. I relate to it so much, and I will never forget it.

Whenever people are sad, they typically want to be made happy again. They listen to happy songs, watch funny movies, or go out with their friends to be put in a better mood. Nobody wants to be sad.

I am a little different though. When I am sad, depressing movies, songs, and literature all make me happy.

All of my "favorites" are sad or depressing in nature. My favorite song is “Mad World.” (I prefer the Michael Andrews version but Riverdale’s rendition is pretty good too.) Of course, my favorite poet is Edgar Allen Poe. My favorite author is Ellen Hopkins because she writes about those serious issues like suicide, self harm, drug addiction, and more. My favorite book is Nineteen Minutes, a tearjerker about a school shooting.

While all of these things may sound sad, they actually put me in a better mood whenever I hear or see them. I say this because these different works of literature and art are real. They evoke true emotion, and honestly, nothing makes me happier knowing that I’m not the only one having these thoughts.

I have had suicidal thoughts, and I have also dealt with feelings when friends have committed suicide or died someway. I’ve been at a point where I had no idea what was happening. I’ve also thought about what would happen if my high school or college had a shooting. I thought about this before the Florida shooting, but after every shooting I’ve heard of over the years.

This infatuation with depressing stuff may actually sound depressing, but I’ve been lonely before. No one likes to be lonely. Knowing that other people have had the same thoughts makes me feel less lonely in the world. Even though I have never met Ellen Hopkins or Edgar Allen Poe, I feel like they know more about me than some of my friends do (as cliche as that may sound).

Yes, I know that some people listen to sad songs and get even more depressed. It’s just not the same for me. I’m not saying that happy songs don’t make me happy, too. I know that most people enjoy listening to happy songs. I’m not saying that they aren’t “real” emotion or anything like that. I just already know what makes a lot of people happy.

I know that being in love is a great feeling for most people. I know that having great friends can make people happy. I know all these normal happy things, but I don’t always know what makes people sad. And I like to relate to people. I think these things help me feel connected to those around me and I love that, too.

So I promise I am not always sad. I have a nice life now and I love what I do. I have great friends and go to a great school and am happier than I have been in a long. I am usually happy, but I still love all these sad things. I love how real and raw they are. So I truly relate to Poe’s quote about being in love with melancholy.