Getting out of a long term relationship is usually really heartbreaking at first. You think of all of the things you could've done differently, what you'll do better next time and as each day goes by, the pain lessens and your life goes on. I think people often talk about what happens immediately after the breakup and that's when your loved ones check in on you the most. But what happens a year, two years after the relationship? For me, I'm still being affected by it in some ways.

I've written a few articles about how I took a year to myself after getting out of my long term relationship to focus on myself and throwing all of my energy into discovering the deepest parts of me. This year was insanely beneficial to me and I'm glad I was forced to discover hidden parts of myself. Because of it, I'm the happiest and most content I've been with myself and my life in a long time. I thought after I went through that, I had completely moved pasted the lessons I had learned from that relationship, but a year and a half later and I'm still finding roadblocks and learning how to get around them.

For me, getting out of the relationship isn't what hurt me the most. It was a decision I made for myself and I don't regret it, but what really hurt the most was the parts of me my ex took with him and what makes it even worse is he has no idea (if you're reading this, surprise!). Due to this, I'm dealing with new things I've never dealt with before. For instance, I've always been known as the confident, tall girl that says it how it is. I've always felt that has been a part of my character since I was little. For the first time, there are many times I haven't felt confident and I've second-guessed myself. Hesitating to put myself out there or to be my loud outgoing self isn't something I'm used to it.

I've found it hard to let my guard down and be vulnerable. Before if I got hurt or someone didn't accept me, I would brush it off and keep going because I accepted me and that was all I cared about. I felt I had full control of those things and how I channeled them in my life, now they come and go as they please and I'm left being nervous and standoff-ish more times than I'd like. I feel like this is a part of me my ex took with him. Giving yourself fully to someone and getting hurt by them can make it hard to put yourself out there. Even worse, it hurts showing them every part of you and they don't accept or understand some of it.

I know my confidence will come back with time and I know what I have to offer to the world. I fully believe that I'm happy, I'm going to be successful, I accept myself and I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Luckily, I have the best group of friends that uplift me and inspire me and accept the weird tall girl that I am. Because of them, I'm not worried about this roadblock. I see parts of my old self coming back every day and I'm learning how to incorporate them into my new ways. A good friend of mine recently told me, "maybe it's better to not be like your old self and to be new again." I think that's the perfect way to end this article and the mindset I should have moving forward.