After months of agony and anticipation, “JustWater” has finally hit the market. Thousands of men rushed into their local superstores to grab a bottle. So many, in fact, that “JustWater” sold out at all locations that carried it within 10 minutes of being on the shelves!

So, what kind of revolutionary product would warrant this kind of hysteria? According to the manufacturers, “JustWater” is the end-all-be-all for male body care. No other product can top it. It’s face wash, body lotion, moisturizer, shaving cream, hair gel, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, and cologne. It’s considered to be the most innovative product for men since “OnlyAir,” which, though a good product, has become somewhat outdated.

Unfortunately, while most male purchasers of “JustWater” have raved about its efficacy and simplicity, their female counterparts are not so enthusiastic. Jessica (aged 27) wrote this scathing review on social media. “Have we really slipped into a reality where people will pay exorbitant amounts of money for a bottle of water that does absolutely nothing? Has everyone lost their minds? Men, listen up. This “product” (waste of money would be the more appropriate term) has no ingredients that would even begin to clean, assist in shaving, act as a moisturizer, or help mask the smell of body odor. You’re fooling yourselves. The only good thing I can say about this is that it does exactly what the name says: you’re just pouring water on yourself and waltzing out the door! My boyfriend reeks when he gets back from the gym, and yet still claims that ‘JustWater’ is some kind of miracle water! It’s not holy water folks, it’s ‘JustWater.’” Ouch. Harsh. However, even after her blistering review, it seems that “JustWater” is here to stay (it’s flying off the shelves!)

Disclaimer: This is satire. I’m not saying that all guys aren’t hygienic, I’m just poking fun at the guys who only rinse with water and don’t bother with anything else. Honestly, I’m probably jealous because I constantly have to faddle about with oodles of product just to keep my skin from calling it quits and peeling off.