Over spring break, I wound up visiting my old high school with a couple of my closest friends. The reason this experience touched me in so many ways is that the first high school I ever attended was shut down at the end of my sophomore year, and I was forced to transfer. It is difficult to explain why my school closed as I still don’t fully understand it several years later, but that is a conversation for another time.
When we arrived on the campus, I was hit with an overwhelming wave of nostalgia. After staring at the buildings, we peeked through the windows even though the doors were locked, and there were paragraphs of writing covering the walls from former students and alumni. Their words contained a mix of sadness that the school was closing down and gratitude towards the community for all the experiences they had been gifted.
When I had visited the school a year ago, I had been weighed down by sadness and longing. After all, I was still in a different high school where I wasn’t thriving, and all I’d wanted was for my former school to reopen so I could continue having classes with the friends I was already comfortable with.
Now that I am at UConn, my attitude towards the school has changed. I still viewed the buildings with a sense of gratitude, but the grief I’d experienced had vanished. I could look through the windows and walk up the paths to the various buildings without wanting to cry over everything that I had missed out on. Simple acts like laughing and smiling came easily to me, and I was struck afterward at how much has changed.
I am much older now. I have grown and matured. While I wish that the school had never closed, I don’t wish to reverse time to experience it again. Those memories belong in the past, and rather than dwelling on them, I’d rather go out and live new experiences.
That is why when we finally left, I was content. Even though I had physically moved on, my mind had finally caught up. It would be childish of me to focus on the high school experience when I have the opportunity now to live a different life.
Though it takes time to heal, there has to be an instance in which you decide to move on. You have to make the conscious decision to be open to new experiences, and once you do so, your mind can be freed from the constraints of living up to the memories. I understand this much better now.
