Being raised very conservatively has led to some interesting views on life.
Before I start into this article, let me first say this: I don't have anything against religion or people who are religious. If you have found a belief system, that's awesome and I'm so happy for you!
However, there's arguably a right way to practice and then there's the kind of extreme - are you sure you're not in a cult-way of doing things. While being a part of something bigger than myself and being around people that believed the same way I did, that was pretty much all of my life consisted of. And for a long while, I didn't really seem to mind it. It wasn't until people around started pointing out little nuances of what I was doing in the name of my religion that I started to realize how changed I really had become.
For example, I was constantly trying to convert people, and it got to the point where I was just...annoying. It was all I talked about and members of my family had to point blank tell me to stop talking about it because they were tired of hearing about how they were going to go to hell.
I also was taught I had to be modest...all of the time. Which wasn't too bad, but only wearing skirts and dresses that came past your knee became quite the hassle. Not only were they hard to find but doing everything in them was difficult as well. I understood the concept, but at the same time, I couldn't help the feeling like it was a bit backward. Another thing that I found kind of backward is that I was taught to keep a home—as in, take care of the house, the kids, school, and a multitude of other things. I was also encouraged to go to college, but the only real majors offered to me at the Christian college I had originally wanted to go to were teaching, missions, music, and nursing.
Overall, I will say that being raised this way taught me a great deal of self-respect, responsibility, and awareness for those around me, all of which has helped in personal and work situations.
It's given me many things, and for that, I will be grateful. However, not only do I still to this day feel weird wearing pants (it's a curse, I swear!), I'm currently dealing with large amounts of guilt, anxiety, and depression. Not all of which come from the way I was raised, I am very much an empath, but most of it does come from that. It's taken me two years to be able to do things that normal people do—like, dress the way they want, cut their hair the way they want, watch whatever they want...it's all still pretty new. And yes, I do see a counselor who's absolutely been wonderfully patient and helpful to me.
In the end, I can't change the past, but I can change my future. As I have officially reached my senior year here at ISU, I am forever grateful for the opportunities that I will have after I graduate and the freedom to grow.
