Relationships? Not As Easy As You May Think
Start writing a post

Relationships? Not As Easy As You May Think

I have been inspired to write about my relationships over the years and I think its something worth sharing.

Relationships? Not As Easy As You May Think

Everyone says that being in a relationship is so easy, but that is honestly bullshit. Relationships are among the most concerning and confusing aspects of my life. Ever since I started seriously dating at 17 years old, I have struggled with a sort of cognitive dissonance—that dissonance between wanting to be single when I am in a relationship and wanting to be in a relationship when I am single still baffles me to this day.

Before my first serious relationship, I would be known as a player. I liked to have my cake and eat it too. For me, I was the most comfortable marketing myself to a variety of individuals, rather than finding the right one. I liked to talk and flirt with multiple people at once because I was extremely lonely and for me, multiple people filled that void in different ways. Some people I liked to only talk to day and night, others I would use for other means of attention. For me, that was the ideal aspect of seeing many people at the same time, but in the eyes of others, I was seen as a "manwhore" or a "user." Therefore, I could not continue the ideal I wanted because of the societal pressure of monogamy. Thus, in 2014, I asked one of my lovers to be my boyfriend.

Honestly, I was terrified to be calling someone my official boyfriend but also delighted at the same time because It would bring many firsts and much happiness. However, it quickly faded when I began to see the cracks in our relationship. Once I noticed the cracks, I turned to other things and people. I ended up virtually cheating on him, and that was the end of our relationship. To this day, we have made peace with it, and I have not done it again. However, this is what got me thinking about that dissonance I have so deep in my heart and that is when I learned of what polyamory was.

What is polyamory you may ask? Well, polyamory is a special type of open relationship in which there is a "main partner" who you use as your anchor, and there are your "side partners." What makes polyamory different than straight-up cheating is the fact that it is a mutual and consensual agreement that each partner is aware of. It knocked down the secrecy of cheating and opened up a whole new way for me to have my cake and eat it too –– with my partner's consent. Thus, I began a journey that would bring me much happiness, but not all of it was good.

Personally, it was fun to have someone to always talk to and go to for love and support, as well as someone who can understand that no matter how many partners I was seeking out, that they were the one I loved. In a way, polyamory is a game of power and control, where one person may have more partners than the other or the other one might start feeling jealous. However, what polyamory is good for is building trust and breaking those jealous tendencies that are within our human lives. Being polyamorous was a great decision on my part because I no longer felt lonely. At least for me, it was quite the time in my life and it built my confidence up.

When I got to college, the game had changed dramatically for me because I was surrounded by new (and hotter) people as well as many new opportunities. Thus, I ended it with my boyfriend and began a new life. It may sound like I just dropped him but honestly, polyamory had quelled my relationship cognitive dissonance in more ways than one because the exploration allowed me to see what I liked and what I did not, without having to keep going through the cycle of finding someone, being with them for a time, then saying goodbye over and over again. However, great I felt whilst in that period of my life, it was also painful to come to the realization that I was manipulating many people. Although they were all aware of my boyfriend at the time, some of them were not in the loop that I wasn't trying to date them seriously, despite my explanations. Thus, I recommend that if you are going to dabble in polyamory, be mindful of other people's feelings and be open and communicative when it comes to those jealous times.

From that experience, I have experienced healthy monogamous relationships as well as becoming comfortable with being open and communicative in all of my relationships whether it is an open relationship or an exclusive one. It really helped me to figure out my feelings and my confidence in myself and the dating world.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Unleash Inspiration: 15 Relatable Disney Lyrics!

Leave it to Disney to write lyrics that kids of all ages can relate to.

The 15 most inspiring Disney songs

Disney songs are some of the most relatable and inspiring songs not only because of the lovable characters who sing them, but also because of their well-written song lyrics. While some lyrics make more sense with knowledge of the movie's story line that they were written for, other Disney lyrics are very relatable and inspiring for any listener.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments