Social media creates fallacious ideas about what we should be and what things should be like, and if you don’t succumb to these standards, then you are simply ostracized and deluded into believing that you are doing something wrong.
While I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, I came across one of many posts that projected the idea of how to tell if you are in the wrong relationship. Like every young adult that is romantically involved, I will unabashedly admit that I have my fair share of fear and doubt. Though I know that the qualities of what makes a relationship good or bad are relatively subjective, I was inquisitive and read the given signs of a wrong relationship.
Included in this list was feeling contempt, being different people, having different goals, romantic fantasies involving other people, and not wanting to be intimate.
To begin with, the opposite of contempt isn’t apathy, it’s love. If you are feeling hatred, it’s imperative to acknowledge that you’re experiencing an incredibly strong emotion. Like yin and yang, a relationship is going to have both love and hate in order to create balance. If a person can invoke an emotion as intoxicating as contempt, then he/she must mean a great deal in your life.
“Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ.” Under the section of being different people, the article gave an example of one partner wanting to watch TV and the other partner wanting to socialize. Because of the difference, dissonance is created and causes someone to feel disappointment. This is the problem. We need to exercise compromise and embrace new experiences, instead of shying away and reverting to our normalcy. If you and your significant other are different people, that doesn’t mean that your relationship is wrong or lesser than others’. If you were to devote your time to someone who had the same opinion, the same interests, etc. you would be absolutely and undoubtedly bored. Being with a person who differs from you exposes you to new ideas and experiences; we should not be afraid and deem this as being incompatible and allow it to derail us from who we genuinely love.
Along with this, having different goals than your partner does not mean that the relationship is toxic and futile. We are different people and we will want different things. It does not matter, nor should it, if your goals are mismated, as long as there are goals; it is not desirable to be lethargic and complacent. An example of having different career goals is given, which provides me with the palpable point that you shouldn’t reject your relationship if someone wants to be something else or do something different. If anything, the person should be commended for growing as an individual and having said revelation.
Having romantic fantasies involving other people. It happens. You do it, I do it. And if you say that you’ve never watched porn in your life, then you are lying. It’s simple, it really is: we are not monogamous creatures. As much as I hate to say it, romance was created and monogamy was imposed. If I were to have read the article with a literal perspective instead of a satirical eye, then a mere daydream about a contemporary icon could be enough of a reason to doubt your relationship. This is what is toxic, this is what is futile.
“You’ve stopped touching, kissing, and cuddling like you used to when your relationship was new.” The article states that lack of intimacy is a sign of the inevitable failure of your very, very bad relationship; this is wrong. The truth is that the honeymoon phase will expire and sometimes intimacy can run dry. It happens. There are also a myriad of other factors to take into consideration, such as if your partner is stressed, if there is anything physically wrong, etc. Talk to them instead of making asinine assumptions and allowing social media to mislead you into thinking that they know your relationship better than you do.
I would hope that one article wouldn’t deter someone from his/her partner, but constantly seeing advertisements about what is right and what is wrong in romantic relationships can cause someone to second guess their discernment and believe that objective rules portrayed by social media are true and right. E.g., look at body image and how certain types have been apotheosized while others have been belittled. This idea became embedded in our heads because of it’s continuous exposure. The problem is that we romanticize relationships with hashtags such as #RelationshipGoals and articles that swear to know the truth about what makes a relationship bad. We abide by these standards and silence subjectivity, becoming forgetful about what is best for us. These articles create idealized, nonexistent relationships, as well as unobtainable expectancies. These are half truths; the other half is composed of arguing and difference and compromise, and this is not shown because it is reality. It is the truth.
