I always thought that if I could hold on to a friendship tight enough I would never lose it; but no matter how tight I hold on, some of those friendships still slip through my fingers. The way friendships end is often similar to the way relationships end. The ones that were never as strong as we thought fade and dissolve without too many hard feelings, and we are able to look back on the good times fondly. Some blow up in a mess of tears and heartbreak that we would rather forget, and some come unexpectedly like a slap of ice cold water in the face.

I always assumed that my best friends in high school would be lifetime friends. I imagined us getting together when we were home from college, eventually watching each other get married and have kids, and just being there and staying in touch through all the ups and downs that life brings us. It’s only been a year since we spread out across the country for college, and already some of them have become people I used to know. The reality is that we won’t stay friends just because I want us to. Sometimes it is my fault. Sometimes I am not the friend that they need, and they move on. Sometimes they just move on for seemingly no reason at all. You expect that your friendships will remain the same because it is comforting to think of them as something stable, but a good friendship never stays the same; it is never stagnant. A good friendship changes and grows. Sometimes, however, your friend changes, you change, and your paths divide like a split end on a damaged piece of hair. And these split paths continue to diverge until they are cut apart and you can no longer tell where they used to be connected. It is heartbreaking to let go of a friendship that you thought would be for life.

Everyone says that you meet your best friends in college, but I was so close to my high school friends that I couldn’t imagine not being friends with them even if I did make new friends. I always thought that my friendships were stronger, that we cared enough to stay in contact after high school, but even with multitude of digital means of communication, some people have just dropped off the face of my life. It hurts even more to let go of those friendships, knowing that it really was possible to stay in touch from across the country. Our friendship didn’t fade because we lost touch; it faded because we weren’t both invested in it. Friendship is a two way street. Friendships are about giving and taking. Both friends have to give generously and take gratefully. No one wants to feel suffocated, and no one wants to feel taken for granted. The friendships that last the longest are the ones in which there is a balance of give and take. Long-lasting friends know the true value of their friendship and appreciate one another.

The friends who last a lifetime are the friends who will make you laugh until your stomach hurts, and who will also be there when you feel like your world is falling apart. Friendships can be messy because we are complicated and life is messy, but the best friendships will be the ones that last. A friendship that ends does so for a reason, even if we may not know what that reason is yet. Sometimes life tests the strength of our friendships, and it is only the strongest friendships that will last through the roughest patches. In the end, however, it is only the strongest friendships that you need. It is difficult to let go of those friendships that you once valued, but you will be far better off if you let go of the toxic friendships and those friends who don’t value your friendship. Once you let go of the friendships with a short shelf life, you can make room for the friendships that really do last a lifetime.

Even though I have drifted apart from some of my friends, I am grateful for the short period in which I was able to call them close companions and for the positive influence they have had on the person I am today.