Words. Sometimes, we ponder them, articulating their intention in our minds before saying them. Other times, they are more like reflexes, exiting one's throat without a thought of the consequences they hold.
Vernacular can bite. And biting vernacular is ignorant for it neglects the humanity of the subject deemed foully.
As a sister of a boy with special needs, there is one word that immediately ignites me to shudder.
The R word.
I am talking about the adjective as well as the noun.
Neither are appropriate.
Why am I appalled by it? It has developed such a negative connotation. Its usage permeates our culture, our youth.
I have memories as a high school student of classmates echoing the word and variations of it throughout the halls. Typically, I would notice students use it in substitution for the word, "idiot," out of self deprecation or to mock a friend. Regardless, the R word should not be used.
However, I have also witnessed the word being used to speak of someone with disabilities in the third person. This does not always go unheard.
One day, I sat with my brother in a local café. He was overjoyed, and we must have been talking and laughing. Knowing my brother, he must also have been excited to see other people. Thrilled to engage and communicate, despite being nonverbal, he loves to wave to everyone he sees and frequently employs the few words and phrases he can say, such as, "How are you?"
Only, the woman nearby with her family began to speak of him, as if we could not hear her. She used the R word to describe him. To her own little grandchildren.
This moment immediately changed my happiness to anger, and I desperately wanted to say something. I know that if that were to happen today, I would have corrected her. My mother gave me permission to correct her and go back in the café to tell her how I felt. Maybe if that woman saw my tears she would have regretted saying the word aloud. Or maybe not.
I don't care that the woman was older. Regardless, the R word should not be used.
Why? Well, some people may present the argument that it is simply a word to describe people with disabilities, but that is ignorant in itself. Maybe, that is how the word was initially meant to be used. But, its connotations go beyond simply meaning one with special needs. Yes, it is used to refer to one who is disabled, but not positively. Also, it is used interchangeably with the word "stupid." These reasons alone emphasize why it should not be used, but they are not enough to prove why to not use the word, since these same reasons motivate people to use it in the first place.
Worst of all, the connotations of the R word erase differences between one being disabled and one being "stupid," and insist that the two are synonymous.
It is a claim that I don't believe. But a claim that users of the R word, knowingly or unknowingly, seem to possess and assert every time they say the adjective or noun.
When referring to someone with disabilities, never use the R word. There is so much more appropriate language to use, such as phrases like "special needs." With phrases like this and a respectful context, you acknowledge the emotions of someone who is disabled, addressing that he/she is human as well as the reality that he/she may need assistance.
Never use it, period. It is time for us to evolve and to see the value of each and every person. This word is a hurdle in the way of such progression. The disabled are a minority and they need to be recognized, not scrutinized, or used as a punchline. How are we supposed to evolve if this word is still in the vocabulary of many?
There is a lot more to be done for the special needs community, but one way that we can be better towards them is to eliminate this word. Also, we need to educate others on what the ramifications of saying it are.
The cliché goes that words have power. Society gives them that power. By discussing the R word and removing it from our vocabulary, we dismantle it and render it nonexistent.
Simply referring to it as the R word is a first step.
