“You’ll be fine, just breathe.” “It’s not even a big deal, don’t worry about it.” “Well, why don’t you just stop worrying about it if there’s nothing you can do?” “You care too much about what others think of you.”
If you have anxiety of any kind you’ve definitely heard these phrases before. People telling you that your condition is not real and you just need to worry less and be more confident. I’m here to explain what it feels like to have anxiety, so that hopefully people can see what we deal with every day.
Imagine you are sitting with your friends at lunch and you feel comfortable and fine. Then the next minute someone asks you to go get them something from the other side of the room? Sounds easy right? Not to someone with anxiety. Simply walking from a table where you feel comfortable to walking past prying eyes. You feel as if everyone is looking at you, judging you on everything from your hair, to your clothes, to the way you walk. Most likely no one really cares about any of this, but in our minds we always feel watched.
Having social anxiety means you constantly feel afraid, nervous, like you’re drowning but no one can see it to save you.
“All day, every day, life is like this. Fear. Apprehension. Avoidance. Pain. Anxiety about what you said. Fear that you said something wrong. Worry about others' disapproval. Afraid of rejection, of not fitting in. Anxious to enter a conversation, afraid you'll have nothing to talk about. Hiding what's wrong with you deep inside, putting up a defensive wall to protect your "secret". You are undergoing the daily, chronic trouble of living with this mental disorder we call social anxiety disorder. (Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D.)”
One of the worst things you can do to someone with anxiety is to put them in front of others on display for any reason. I try to break out of my shell by volunteering to be put in the spotlight but when it comes time to do it I panic. Again, imagine being in this place. Your heart rate goes up to almost 160 bpm from a resting 62 bpm causing a cramp in your chest. Then you start sweating from your hands and your back, your face gets red and flustered. Next you start the shaking, this is the worst step for me. You can no longer control your hands as they start to tremble. Your legs feel like jelly beneath you and you feel like collapsing or running away. All the eyes looking at you, you feel like they are all thinking how dumb you look with your red face and trembling arms and legs. You actually considered breaking a leg or getting a concussion just to get out of doing this and being on the spot. By the time you finish whatever it is you were put on the spot for, you take a deep breath and start to try to calm yourself down. Usually you need to sit down to steady your legs, it helps if you hold someone’s hand to stop yours from shaking, and then your heart can start to relax. It sounds like you were put on the spot to give a huge speech but no that whole ordeal was only answering one question in class.
This is what it’s like to just walk across a room or answer one question in class. To most people these are things they never think about. But to people like us, even the easiest of tasks can become a nightmare. Please consider this next time your friend or relative tells you they have anxiety or are panicking about something you think is no big deal. Please be there to hold their hands and stop them from shaking. Please be there to comfort them and tell them you are there and you will do whatever they need. This condition is very real and needs to be treated as such. To those of you out there with anxiety, I understand and now your friends and family will too.
Everything is going to be ok. <3
