I was one of those people who grew up reading Harry Potter at a very young age. I went from being a 10-year-old who had nightmares after reading "The Goblet of Fire" to being the 16-year-old who stood in line for hours before the midnight release of "The Deathly Hallows" (part 2, of course). Naturally, I was trained to hate Alan Rickman's character, Severus Snape, but much like Helena Bonham Carter's Bellatrix Lestrange, I could not deny the fact that he was an amazing actor who played his role as Snape perfectly. When Snape died in the movie, I openly cried in the theater, unashamed of who heard or saw me.
This was not much different from my reaction when I woke up to see that Alan Rickman passed away. He played the role of a man who I grew up reading about, and he brought that character to life to me. That's why when he passed, it felt like an old friend had passed. Someone that I grew to really know and love (and hate, let's face it, Snape wasn't always the best).
I've talked to many other Potterheads since the day we woke up to the awful news. We all mourned in similar ways.
When we heard the news:
We all went through a moment of shock. A moment of disbelief.
Then, started the grieving process.
1. Denial.
After reading about 20 articles that confirmed the fact that yes, he actually did die, we read about four more ... just to make sure it wasn't some sick joke.
2. Anger.
We were upset. Asking questions that were kind of selfish, like, "Why didn't he tell the public he was sick?" Honestly, it wasn't our business. We just weren't okay.
3. Bargaining.
Please God. I will do literally anything to preserve this legend for one more day.
4. Depression.
We kept watching old clips and interviews for hours, putting us in this deep, deep sadness. Probably not the best idea, but we couldn't help it. Maybe it made it feel like he was still here?
5. And finally, acceptance.
Okay, okay, he's gone. It's not the end of the world. We didn't actually know him, even though we felt like we did. We are sad, but we will be okay.
The hardest moment for me was when a friend sent me Snape's "Always" scene in the last HP movie. I lost it. Then, I remembered: Harry Potter will always be a big part of the lives of the ones who grew up and fell in love with it. Alan Rickman, who played such a big role in this movie, will always be a part of our hearts, and that will never change. So when my future kids ask me, "Mom, will you always cry at the part when Professor Snape dies, after all this time?"
I'll look at them and just say, "Always."
Rest in peace, Alan Rickman.
